40 years of grace

It is impossible to quantify exactly how much grace has been crammed into the last 40 years of life.

2 amazing parents, 3 fabulous sisters

2 sweet parents-in-law, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, 4 brothers-in-law, 1 dear sister-in-law

2 "home churches," where I have been loved, prayed for, encouraged, taught, pointed to Jesus, and found true family from the day I was born to now. 

Friends down the street. Friends I grew up with. Friends from college days until now. Friends whom I lived with. Friends I have studied God's word and prayed with. Friends who have brought refreshment, wisdom, encouragement, correcting perspective, and joy in incalculable ways.

4 m 2 d with Jemima 

4 y 1 mo pregnant (5 precious babies who came into our home, 2 who went to Jesus)

9 y 8 m 5 d of parenting my sweet kids (uncertain number of sticky kisses, snuggles, and smiles that have brightened every day)

12 y 10 m  24 d of marriage to my kind, sacrificial, funny, Christ-seeking Ben

17 y 3 mo working at a church I love, serving with people I enjoy, admire, have learned from and been blessed by, at all 3 campuses

20 birthdays before 9/11, always showered with love, thoughtfulness, and special gifts

20 birthdays since 9/11, even more aware of how much each year is an undeserved gift

35 years since cancer diagnosis, surgery, chemo, and many, many hospital stays and doctor visits. 1 belly scar. 1 fully functioning kidney. Full head of hair. Clean bill of health.

40 full years of heart beating, lungs filling, eyes seeing, ears hearing, scents to savor, fingers that obey the command to move, legs that can stretch and bend and run, a voice, a mind. 

40 years of sunrises, breakfasts, stories, laughter, bruises that heal, water to drink, a whole astounding world to explore.

And all of this doesn't scratch the surface. Because I haven't just lived 40 years. I have been given life. These days didn't just unfold. They were written in a book before one of them came to pass. 

If all those gifts were taken away, I would still be wealthy beyond comprehension, because I was chosen before the creation of the world. Granted forgiveness and salvation at the cost of God's one and only Son. I have been brought into the family of the eternal King of glory. I have read the Book given by the Word that spoke all things into being and holds them together moment by moment. I have a future and inheritance that will not perish, spoil, or fade.

Oh, what grace! 

Now to Him who is able to keep you from stumbling and to present you blameless before the presence of His glory with great joy, to the only God our Savior, through Jesus Christ our Lord, be glory, majesty, dominion, and authority, before all time and now and forever. Amen. (Jude 24-25)

4 months old!

4 months old!

 

3 months old

 

2 months old

 

1 month old

 

2 weeks old

Dear Jemima,

You are at such a delightful stage! In God's mercy, your growth is keeping pace with the changes of the season, and we are enjoying you so much in these busy fall days!

This month...

- You have gotten much more flexible with naps and bedtime. (Perhaps this was borne out of necessity, with a camping trip, the launch of school, and such?) It is a real mercy that you adjust to the day's needs, since our daily rhythm varies a lot! Basically, you nap sometime in the morning and then, Lord willing, make it fairly cheerfully until about 1pm, when you take a serious afternoon snooze until 4pm or so. We normally start the bedtime routine around 7:15pm and you are in bed around 8pm.

- I can't help but call you my Little Dumpling, dear roly-poly girl. It only seems fitting.

- Pretty much straining the seams on your 3 months. But I haven't pulled out the 6 month stuff yet...

- You outright laughed with me yesterday, and it is such a delightful little chortle. Your brothers continue to delight and amuse you, and you spend lots of quality time hanging out in your swing outside, just enjoying the breeze, the sun, the trees, and the joy of your own sweet fist to suck on.

-  Lately you've been eating around 4am, 8am, 12:30pm, 4pm, 6:30pm, and bedtime. But every day is different, and you've really sped up your meals so it's just a 10 minute affair (during the day). So we squeeze it in when needed, which definitely shifts around.

- You really don't spit while you're lying down now, so you're dry basically through the night. Now you are more likely to give a deep, belly belch, which I find hilarious coming from your petite frame.

- You still burble over a fair bit during the days. It's okay. You're cute even when wet.

- You've been making it through church in the sanctuary lately (falling asleep in my arms for a bit of the sermon). However, we are now launching into the "full Sunday marathon," so we shall see how that works out. But you have been showing your resilience and flexibility (and the Lord's kindness has been clear) in the midst of our other schedule transitions, so I trust you will ride this out as well.

- I'm enjoying afternoon or evening walks with you as often as we can fit it in. You enjoy cruising in the stroller or riding in the Ergo (if you've eaten recently, you normally fall asleep in the Ergo). It's one of my favorite things.

- You do have red hair, but it's not real prominent yet. Sometimes when you smile I catch a glimpse of my own baby pictures. But we get frequent comments about how well you fit in with your brothers. You are definitely one of the family!

- You have freckles on your nose. I love it.

Lately I have been reading in Exodus, particularly dwelling on the early days of Moses and his call to bring God's people out of Egypt. As I perused a commentary this morning, a line caught my eye and resonated. To summarize, it pointed out that the Bible is not merely history writing. It is persuasive history writing, presenting evidence and urging us to receive the truth that our God is worthy of trust. 

Again and again, we see in God's word that His people are in horrible trouble that they can not resolve. The stakes are high. The options are few. There seems absolutely no way of escape. 

That point--hemmed in on every side, desperate, inadequate, helpless on our own--that is the true condition of our hearts. How often God positions us precisely in such a condition so that we will realize, we will actually acknowledge our total need of Him.

Coming to the end of ourselves is not the end of our hope. In truth, it is most often the point we must reach before we will begin to place our hope in God alone. And there, sweet girl, we find that He is faithful. He is worthy of our trust. He is the Rescuer who brings us through the darkest night of despair into His glorious light. 

Hebrews 11:6 says,

And without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is and that He is a rewarder of those who seek Him.

What God desires is not our help. Not our internal sufficiency. Not anything good we can muster on our own. He desires that we will look away from ourselves and find our hope in the Rescuer He has sent. "Fix your hope completely on the grace to be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ" (1 Peter 1:13). 

I pray that this hope will be an anchor to your soul all the days of your life.

I love you, my sweet Jemma.

Momma