Letters to My Boys

Dear Victor,

Oh my son, you are growing so much. I love to see the way you are gaining skills and developing as a fine boy, day by day.

Some of my favorite things of late:

• One day you sat down with your little brothers to read them a Bible story before naptime, and you decided to sing it instead of read it. Page by page, you sang through the whole story, your own creative little tune with the story words. It was absolutely priceless. You are also enjoying your second year of children's choir. I love it. Hope you always have days that just call for a song. 
• You told me you wanted a pet. What did you want? A pet chicken. I asked you why, and (being quite pragmatic), you said we could eat the eggs and you would take it for a walk. Honestly, I can think of a lot of worse pets. We'll see how things go, bud, but maybe someday...
• You are excelling at school. I think you pretty much taught yourself triple-digit adding and subtracting (where you have to borrow from hundreds and tens columns)... you just figured it out. You also know the timeline memory work way better than I do. We're part of a Classical Conversations co-op for the first time this fall, and I'm really thankful for how you are learning--but also how you are helping your brothers. It is a huge gift to have you and Josiah work together reviewing multiplication tables and memory work. You're a good leader and a good teacher.
• I love watching you and your brothers come up with games that involve everyone joining together. You are definitely the director of ceremonies, but I love when you accept suggestions or requests from your brothers too. Your imaginations come up with a wide range of creative stories... sometimes you're a shopkeeper, sometimes the head of the household (with assorted children/pets played by your younger brothers). Sometimes you're super heroes. Sometimes Wild Kratts. Sometimes spies. 
• You are very responsible. If you're outside with the boys, you know when to come running for me (for example, if Calvin decides to crawl up the garage stairs... but you crawl behind him until he gets safely to the top before getting me).
• You make friends easily and enjoy playing with other kids pretty much anywhere. You're excited when we have homeschool co-op, Wednesday Connection, small group, or get together with friends. You pretty much never tire of freeze tag.  
• You will still cozy up next to me on the couch to read a book together or tell me about your latest ideas or surprises for your brothers. I love that.
• You are a great helper. You're a big help around the house, a big help with caring for your brothers, and a big help with school. You help setting the tone for your brothers to learn that being strong means serving and protecting others. May Jesus keep growing that in your heart day by day.

I love you, buddy, and I'm so glad you're our son.

Momma

Dear Josiah,

It is incredible to see how much you are growing and changing! And yet, you still have a brilliant smile that delights my heart!

What makes you tick these days:

• You have an easy-going and gentle way with those who are younger than you (especially girls). I pray that God will continue to develop that beautiful chivalry all your days! You are tender and kind with Calvin and absolutely love to engage him, find things that delight him, and share things with him.
• You are a good companion player. You and Elliot come up with little scenarios, and you are always open to suggestions and incorporating others' ideas into your play. You went through a phase of calling all your brothers by the first syllable of their name (Vic, El, Cal). Love it.
• You have a super creative mind! You love to pretend to be your present-favorite animal or some creative combination of animals you develop. You think of creative stories or scenarios. You see beyond the status quo and love to share stories, dreams, and imaginations.
• You are learning amazingly in school. Your reading is taking off! You love to imagine the end of the story we are reading or funny offshoots from the plot line. You are really tracking with numbers and math and do excellent work in your math workbook. You are in my homeschool class, and I love getting to learn with you there! 
• You are doing great in children's choir, Sunday school, Wednesday Connection class, and homeschool co-op. You participate and engage with other kids, but you also like to have quiet, down time at home. I think you're a little more introverted than your big brother, but you still do a good job reaching out to others and having fun even if you don't know everyone in the room.
• You are agile, active, and bouncy! I love how you can run on all fours, jump, skip, leap, kick, and roll. I think you may be a very gifted athlete. You picked up riding your bike without training wheels so fast! 
• You have very big emotions. These are like strong horses, and sometimes we need to work on pulling back the reins to be sure they don't run away with you, but they also mean that you can share big love, big excitement, and big encouragement. 
• You see spiritual connections very often in real life. I love to hear you connect the dots between what we know about God and His story and the world around us. 

You are such a joy and blessing to have in our family! Love you so much!

Momma

Dear Elliot,

You, my son, are a hoot and a honey. I often watch your antics and tell Daddy that this is what he was like as a little boy!

What you're up to:

• FABULOUS job potty training, my fine fellow! Pretty much without any help from me, you just clicked one day, and you haven't looked back! I'm so proud of you. (One funny memory back when you were still in diapers: you'd lie down for a diaper change and say, "Ahh... this is nice!" and begin pretend snoring!) 
• You are just a ball of hilarious expressions and antics. You sing in your bed, strike a pose at the dinner table, crack jokes, and generally bring a sunshiny disposition wherever we go (normally).  
• I love when you bring some books to me and curl up on my lap for a good read. Let's always do that, okay?
• You can be a really great helper putting away silverware from the dishwasher. You and Victor make a great team for different chores, and you are conscientious in what you do (until you get distracted). 
• You give terrific hugs, and you are generous with them. This brightens my day so much! 
• You have a super bright mind. You ask very astute questions and have a really great vocabulary. I pray that you use those God-given tools for learning, understanding, and pointing to Jesus all through your life.
• You had a hard time going to your Sunday school and preschool class for a few weeks this fall. But after some prayer, we tried a new tactic--bringing Josiah's little green bunny to class with you. And by God's grace, you are now a cheerful, confident little fellow heading to your class! You do a great job!
• When you're looking for your brothers, you'll say, "Hey, where are the boys?" I love to watch the friendships of you brothers growing.

My Elliot, I love you so much, and I'm so thankful that God gave you to us!

Momma

Dear Calvin,

I hate to say it, but I think you are officially no longer my tiny little baby... you big toddler!

In life these days:

• You eat pretty much what all the rest of us eat and pretty much as much of it as your big brothers. You can tuck away 3 pieces of pizza without breaking a sweat. 
• You walk, you big man. I feel like just within the last week you switched from mostly crawling and sometimes walking to mostly walking and sometimes crawling. You are the sweetest little figure, toddling around, plopping down regularly and pulling yourself back up. You know precisely what you want and you are quite adept at getting it. 
• You also have a very tender heart. Normally you will respond quickly to a "No, no, Calvin, no touch." Those occasions when you disobey a clear instruction or get too rough with someone and need a correction, your little heart is smitten. Then we shower you with lots of hugs and snuggles so you know that we still love you and all is well again.
• You love to be outside, riding in the Cozy Coupe or playing with balls. You climb up most anything and have gotten to be pretty adept at sliding down slides on your tummy with your feet poking out behind you. Even at a playground with big slides you'll surprise me by zooming down when I didn't realize you had made your way up to the top already!
• You love to be around your big brothers, in on whatever they are doing. Maybe you do wreak havoc on their train track designs or elaborate block constructions, but you can also be quite careful not to touch when they are in the middle of a big project.
• You have a big, sweet smile and thrilled whole-body wriggle when you're happy. And you are always happy when Daddy comes home! Oh, what a Daddy's boy you are now! It is precious!

You are a delight and joy to our family, and I love you so much!

Momma

Gospel, Preparation, and Coffee Shop Conversations

"Hi." My back was toward the man who greeted me while taking his plate to the "dish-return bucket." "My name is Omad." (Not his real name.)

"Hello, I'm Amy."

"They have good coffee here, don't they?" he said. "I work just over there. Do you live nearby?"

"Yes, not too far from here. This is my favorite place to get coffee," I said. "I like to come here to work or do my Bible study," I pointed to my Galatians notebook on the counter. "I'm in a Bible study on Galatians right now. Do you know the Bible?"

"Somewhat, yes. My family is Muslim, but I don't consider myself Muslim. But I am quite religious," he said. "I feel very connected to God."

I said, "Actually, this week in Bible study we were talking about the heart of the good news of Jesus.

"We have a big problem, because all of us have fallen short of God's standard of goodness, and we cannot fix that. But God sent His own Son Jesus, who lived a perfect life. He died, not because of wrong things He had done, but rather to pay for the sins of those who will trust in Him.

"And God raised Him from the dead to show that it was enough. So if we trust in Jesus and not in anything we can offer, God will receive us and cover us with Jesus' goodness. It is such good news!"

"Yes, thank you," he said. "Have a good day."

"You too," I said, and he went on his way.

It was curious, but I was not surprised at this unusual encounter. Because on Wednesday at Bible study I challenged the women to take an "assignment" to share the good news we were discussing with someone in the week ahead. And on my drive to the coffee shop, I was asking God for an opportunity. And don't you know, He always hears our prayers.

May He give us many such prayers, many such encounters, and multiplied joy rehearsing the good news of Jesus.

P.S. My husband says he was just hitting on me. To which I say, well whatever. What he got was the gospel.

Sermon by Ben

A good word from someone dear.

Emotions and Building Your Own House

Be true to yourself! Follow your heart. As you feel, so you are. To stifle, deny, or repress your emotions is not only unhealthy, it's actually dangerous.

These messages are the gospel of our culture, the good news that you not only may but must embrace how you feel and indulge it to the full.

So let's follow the line of thought to its conclusion.

Examples taken from my personal experience:

Scene 1: I feel frustrated because I can't get anything done. I snap at my kids, growl at my husband, slam around backpacks and water bottles trying to get out the door, and glare bitterly at the piles of work that taunt me with my futile efforts to make headway. In anything.

Outcome: full family misery

Scene 2: I feel needy, emotionally fragile. I wait for my husband to sense the specific tenderness and attentiveness that my soul craves. He fails, being a mere mortal. I grow silent, sullen, withdrawn. He is very confused about what the trouble could be.

Outcome: sad, disconnected evening

Scene 3: I feel industrious, ready to tackle anything. I charge into a project, getting knee-deep in work (the kind of thing that looks like a total tornado before getting better). My children come to me with tiny, insignificant matters: they need a snack, there is a squabble over a toy, they can't find their special bear. I brush them aside when possible, deal with the issues begrudgingly, ignore all that I can.

Outcome: bigger mess, tangled hearts that have not been shepherded, frustration (and loop back to Scene 1 above)

Our emotions powerfully speak to us, and they are no small part of what shapes our desires, attitudes, priorities, and responses. But they are tyrants if given mastery, and the fulfillment promised by boundlessly indulging what we feel is actually an empty one. "By what a man is overcome, to this he is enslaved" (2 Peter 2:19b).

What is the better word that the gospel of Christ brings? Nothing less than an entirely new heart.

"I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me" (Galatians 2:20).

Because we are deeply loved by Christ, because our ugly hearts have been put to death with Him and we have received new hearts with the very life of Christ, a new path is open to us.

The same strong native emotions course through us, but with the Spirit of Christ within we  see that those are not our deepest identity. And so the words of Proverbs 14:1 come to life: "The wisest of women builds her house, but folly with her own hands tears it down."

What does this look like on the ground?

Examples also taken from real life:

Scene 1: I feel frustrated because I can't get anything done. A heart check indicates that I'm craving significance through accomplishment. Truth reminds me: Christ has done it all. God is pleased with my humbly opening my hand for today's labors to receive what He is pleased to give. He knows when I need to get where I'm going. He may use the weakness of my hands and home to point to His sufficiency, even by contentment in what I can't get done. I'm still late and messy, but I'm able to walk in peace with my family and see the joy of these crazy days.

Scene 2: I feel needy, emotionally fragile. I wait for my husband to sense the specific tenderness and attentiveness that my soul craves. He fails, being a mere mortal. I quietly plead for an ability to trust God to minister what my heart needs and tell Ben that it might be a nice night to just cozy up on the couch and watch a show together because I'm tired and feeling needy. He prays for me.

Scene 3: I feel industrious, ready to tackle anything. I charge into a project, getting knee-deep in work (the kind of thing that looks like a total tornado before getting better). My children come to me with tiny, insignificant matters: they need a snack, there is a squabble over a toy, they can't find their special bear. I sigh deeply and offer up my project to God. I stop and help the boys work through their conflict and restore fellowship together. I ask for help to push through my work. I am surprised to find that I actually make some headway.

Oh friends, this is not a war we can win on our own. But the good news is, our Victor has come. We are no longer slaves to our emotions. The Shepherd of our heart may show us a new way, and we may find the grace to build our house instead of our own hands tearing it down. May it be, Lord!

First Family Dinner

Oh yes, I have a blog. I forgot there for a few months... Doh.

Without attempting to recap all I've missed, here is a new thing: Saturday Family Dinner (like a melding of Sabbath Dinner of "What Have You" acclaim and pizza night from my childhood).

Yes, we pretty much always have dinner together. And yes, Saturday was already pizza night. So what's actually new?

Well, not so very much. Special new dishes. A centerpiece. Root beer in actual glasses. The goal: re-casting Saturday dinner as a time for special enjoyment of one another, special preparation for worship at church on Sunday, special celebration of the sweet gifts of God to our family in Jesus.

It was a fun beginning. Calvin grooving in his seat to the music. The discovery of a big, industrious ant in the centerpiece flowers. Lots of homemade pizza. Chocolate syrup stains on the tablecloth. Lots of giggles over the notion of barbecue sauce-topped ice cream. All the normal shenanigans, plus a little special flavor.

It's not really a time to hone dinnertime etiquette with the cloth napkins and rare appearance of knives at each place (though wouldn't that be a pleasant by-product!). We are trying to expand our own capacity to enjoy the gifts God has put right in our laps, invest with a sense of priority and heritage in our boys, and prepare our hearts for gathering with believers and praising God on the Lord's Day. 

A joyful start to something I hope will grow richer with time.

To hear more about "Sabbath dinner," give this a listen.

1 Year Old!

1 year old!

 11 months old

10 months old

9 months old

8 months old

7 months old

6 months old

 
 5 months old

4 months old

3 months old

 2 months old

1 month old

2 weeks old

Dear Calvin,

How did this happen? You are 1! No more tiny baby...

Here are our big milestones of late:

- Summer has come! Your first application of sunscreen was pretty cute. You gave the biggest grin at funny mommy tickling your face all over.

- You have some little pegs you love holding. You don't let go of them for anything, so when you go crawling along, it sounds like a peg leg. Super cute.

- You'll still hang out happily on my back in the Ergo pretty much indefinitely if we're outside. Inside, I'd better be moving around or you get bored fairly fast. But it is easy to take you shopping or trek around church or go on walks since you're still such a happy little papoose on my back.

- You made it through the 4-day retreat without me! Wouldn't take a bottle (you silly goose), but you just ate a big bowl of oatmeal and milk and baby food whenever hungry, and that seemed to work out fine. (I, on the other hand, had a horrible case of plugged ducts while we were gone. But it was still worth it for a lovely and refreshing retreat!)

- In the midst of some recent teething, you developed a really troubling tendency to bite while nursing. I didn't know if I would pull through, but thank the Lord you're doing much better now and I didn't get any infections or anything. This prompted a move toward whole milk (which you love mixed in cereal), adding meat to your diet, and cutting down to 2 feedings a day. Good work!

- You are a bright-eyed sweetie pie, cheerfully heading into the nursery, and giving me big smiles and happy all-body bounces when I pick you up again. You love exploring things (and can find your way into many quiet little corners full of chokables) and love being outside.

- Your very own riddle: How is it that someone who is not a year old yet has been alive to celebrate (outside the womb) not one but two Father's Days? Bonus fun trivia: You share that very notable distinction with Isaiah Lee, another Father's Day baby!

- To celebrate your birthday today, you pulled yourself up to standing for the first time! You look huge standing up...

 - You are not altogether blown away by the experience of cake. Curious, but all in all you prefer Cheerios.

I'm quietly grieving a significant friend and mentor from when I was in high school. So many hard things in saying an unexpected good-bye, but here are the thoughts that came flooding to mind when I paused to write some memories to the family:

One of the biggest orienting truths in my life is that God is an Author. Hebrews 12:2 says, “…fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith…” Being an English major myself, I love that image, but also I find it helps when life feels like it has spun out of control and I’m disoriented, can’t make heads or tails of things.

An author does things in a story that don’t make sense until the end. Many twists and turns, moments of heartbreak and despair, even grievous wrongs, in the hand of a good author still may lead to a beautiful conclusion. A most happy ending....

I grieve with you, wonder at God’s ways, wait to see the end of the story one day. But I am confident, God is not finished yet. May His nearness be your good.

My son, we serve a great God, one whose "thoughts are not our thoughts and ways are not our ways" (Isaiah 55:8-9). But in His kindness He has decisively settled the question, "Does God really love us?"

He answered that question by doing the unthinkable: giving His own Son so that He could make us His own children. 1 John 3:1 says, "See what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are." So we are, little man, through faith in Jesus alone as the payment for our sin and gift of righteousness for our account. And in Him, no matter what comes in life, we may bank on the everlasting love of God, that He is for us, that He will carry us, that He will bring our story to its beautiful good ending one day.

My big 1-year-old, how we pray that this will be your eternal hope and joy. Christ in you, the hope of glory.

I love you, sweet Calvin,
Your momma

11 Months Old!

 11 months old!

Note: This shot captured shortly after the shot I missed because I had to catch the baby falling headfirst off the blue chair...

10 months old

9 months old

8 months old

7 months old

6 months old

 
 5 months old

4 months old

3 months old

 2 months old

1 month old

2 weeks old

Dear Calvin,

You are 11 months old! So close to completing your first year! What ever happened to my tiny little baby in the scrawny white onesie?

This month's news:

- You crawl! And it is the sweetest little shuffling crawl you ever did see. You might not stay right where I put you, but if you're going to venture somewhere, it likely will be to come find me. I love it that you still want to hang out with me. Let's keep it that way for a good long while, hmm?

- I haven't noticed any new teeth popping through, but you are drooling, cranky, ill-sleeping, drippy-nosed, and diaper-rashed this week, so perhaps you're working on some good ones.

- Happy places are typically 1) in the Ergo on my back, 2) in your booster seat eating Cheerios, 3) sitting on the floor playing with toys, or 4) exploring all the non-baby-toy articles that are far more fascinating scattered all around. Your brothers continue to be cheerful and persuasive distractions for you, even in your cranky stretches.

- Your favorite words are mamama and dat. Dat. Dat. It's just a chatty, conversational term.

- After crawling, falling over, or flopping onto your belly, you are able to get back to sitting again. Strong boy.

- Remember how mad you used to get at me when I plotted and pushed to get you to take a bottle? Right. Well, a couple weeks ago when I had to take Josiah to the urgency room I couldn't get home by bedtime. So I told Daddy to try warming up a bottle for you, just on a whim. And you slurped the whole thing down with a grin! So how bout that. (I hope that this bodes well for next week when Momma and Dad go away on our retreat!)

- I finally pulled out the 18 month clothes bin. They are not too big.

- You are a Cheerios monster. You'll sit in your chair happily, munching Cheerios for an indeterminate amount of time.



I'm digging into Galatians now, trying to wrap my mind around the thread of insights and arguments that Paul lays out here.

This rings out like a bell:

We know that a person is not justified by works of the law but through faith in Christ Jesus. (Galatians 2:16a)

Do you know what that means? It means something huge, something monumental. When we stand before God, we will never find acceptance based on a list of good things that we have done. No, indeed. Instead, we point to Jesus. He's the perfect One! He did all the good, and He paid for all my bad. I trust in Him alone to come to You, Father! Thank You, Jesus, for making the way for me to be with You forever!

Little son, how we pray that you will find Jesus to be your greatest treasure, the One who covers over your sin, the One who gives you a new good heart to walk in His ways.

I love you, Mr. Calvin, my big "two-armsful-of-baby,"
Your momma