This is just an excellent message from Wayne Grudem about the priority of guarding our hearts.
Tuesday, November 26, 2013
Saturday, November 23, 2013
Big Cousin, Big Brother
Yesterday, Ben, Victor, and I made a little visit to the Kattersons so that Ben and Victor could meet Caleb in person. On the drive, Victor was so excited to see Baby Caleb that he would not eat his supper.
Victor was mostly stoic while he got to hold his baby cousin, but the visit definitely made a big impression.
Today, he recalled with great fondness when he got to "Hold 'im!"
And after I told him that he would be able to hold Baby Brother too, when he came to our home, he got so excited he gave BB about a dozen kisses and snuggles also wanted to give him a blessing before bed.
I think he's going to be a good big brother.
Victor was mostly stoic while he got to hold his baby cousin, but the visit definitely made a big impression.
Today, he recalled with great fondness when he got to "Hold 'im!"
And after I told him that he would be able to hold Baby Brother too, when he came to our home, he got so excited he gave BB about a dozen kisses and snuggles also wanted to give him a blessing before bed.
I think he's going to be a good big brother.
Thursday, November 21, 2013
Dangers of Discipline, Part 2
Continued thoughts...
4. Shame
We have probably all been in a situation before where someone (stranger or friend) reamed out their child in front of a crowd. Maybe it was thoughtlessly done, or maybe it was an intentional tactic to try to change the child's behavior, but whatever the case, dishonoring or shaming a child is a danger in discipline.
Sometimes we can do the right thing (in addressing wrong or foolish behavior) the wrong way, in the wrong tone, or at the wrong time.
The Bible talks about the pain of dishonor. Even in a situation where the psalmist confesses sin and folly before the Lord (Psalm 69:5), he still asks for relief and comfort from being shamed and dishonored (69:19-20).
So it seems significant that we as parents seek to discipline and correct in a way that does not wrongly embarrass or dishonor our children. Perhaps some insight for a careful approach comes from Matthew 18:15, If your brother [child] sins, go and show him his fault in private; if he listens to you, you have won your brother [child].
5. Legalism
Legalism tempts us to see our own good efforts as a tool in gaining ground with God.
It is a real and present danger, in training our children, that they may get the impression that their following our rules and complying with our desires actually earns them brownie points or good standing with God.
We need to be careful even in how we praise obedience or good behavior. I certainly know that as a mother, it makes my life easier when my son is listening and obeying right away. I feel proud, thankful, and encouraged. That's fine. But what a danger, if I am lulled into a false sense of security and contentedness because I have a compliant child.
Galatians 3:11-14 says, Now that no one is justified by the Law before God is evident, for, "The righteous man shall live by faith." However, the Law is not of faith; on the contrary, "He who practices them shall live by them." Christ redeemed us from the curse of the Law, having become a curse for us... so that we would receive the promise of the Spirit through faith.
The gospel says that we don't and can't earn points with God from our good efforts. (They are filthy rags.) But Christ came and lived in such perfection that He satisfied the call of the Law. And if we trust in Him, then our guilt was put on His head and punished at the cross, and his perfect record is put on us, and we are called righteous before God.
That is what we want to set before our children, again and again.
6. Fear of man
Maybe this is an especially strong danger in church. When we feel that our skill, wisdom, and expertise in parenting is some kind of record we need to keep up, fear of man can become the ruling factor in our response to any form of imperfection in our children.
What emotions stir when your child starts making noise in the middle of a church service? Is your response different when disobedience occurs in front of people, rather than in private? How much of your discipline is motivated by what people will think?
Fear of man--which is really another form of pride--is a very frequent temptation for me, so it takes a lot of prayer and dependence on the Holy Spirit to keep my perspective focused on truth, and my desire centered on pleasing just the audience of One who really matters.
Stop regarding man, whose breath of life is in his nostrils; for why should he be esteemed?--Isaiah 2:22
To be continued...
4. Shame
We have probably all been in a situation before where someone (stranger or friend) reamed out their child in front of a crowd. Maybe it was thoughtlessly done, or maybe it was an intentional tactic to try to change the child's behavior, but whatever the case, dishonoring or shaming a child is a danger in discipline.
Sometimes we can do the right thing (in addressing wrong or foolish behavior) the wrong way, in the wrong tone, or at the wrong time.
The Bible talks about the pain of dishonor. Even in a situation where the psalmist confesses sin and folly before the Lord (Psalm 69:5), he still asks for relief and comfort from being shamed and dishonored (69:19-20).
So it seems significant that we as parents seek to discipline and correct in a way that does not wrongly embarrass or dishonor our children. Perhaps some insight for a careful approach comes from Matthew 18:15, If your brother [child] sins, go and show him his fault in private; if he listens to you, you have won your brother [child].
5. Legalism
Legalism tempts us to see our own good efforts as a tool in gaining ground with God.
It is a real and present danger, in training our children, that they may get the impression that their following our rules and complying with our desires actually earns them brownie points or good standing with God.
We need to be careful even in how we praise obedience or good behavior. I certainly know that as a mother, it makes my life easier when my son is listening and obeying right away. I feel proud, thankful, and encouraged. That's fine. But what a danger, if I am lulled into a false sense of security and contentedness because I have a compliant child.
Galatians 3:11-14 says, Now that no one is justified by the Law before God is evident, for, "The righteous man shall live by faith." However, the Law is not of faith; on the contrary, "He who practices them shall live by them." Christ redeemed us from the curse of the Law, having become a curse for us... so that we would receive the promise of the Spirit through faith.
The gospel says that we don't and can't earn points with God from our good efforts. (They are filthy rags.) But Christ came and lived in such perfection that He satisfied the call of the Law. And if we trust in Him, then our guilt was put on His head and punished at the cross, and his perfect record is put on us, and we are called righteous before God.
That is what we want to set before our children, again and again.
6. Fear of man
Maybe this is an especially strong danger in church. When we feel that our skill, wisdom, and expertise in parenting is some kind of record we need to keep up, fear of man can become the ruling factor in our response to any form of imperfection in our children.
What emotions stir when your child starts making noise in the middle of a church service? Is your response different when disobedience occurs in front of people, rather than in private? How much of your discipline is motivated by what people will think?
Fear of man--which is really another form of pride--is a very frequent temptation for me, so it takes a lot of prayer and dependence on the Holy Spirit to keep my perspective focused on truth, and my desire centered on pleasing just the audience of One who really matters.
Stop regarding man, whose breath of life is in his nostrils; for why should he be esteemed?--Isaiah 2:22
To be continued...
Tuesday, November 12, 2013
And It's a...
Dear Victor,
What a special gift God is giving us!
What a special gift God is giving us!
The Bible talks about brothers all over the place--
Let love of the brethren continue.
The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with your spirit, brethren.
Brethren, join in following my example.
Yes, brother, let me benefit from you in the Lord; refresh my heart in Christ.
Therefore, holy brethren, ... consider Jesus.
They aren't all brothers like you and the little guy coming to join our family, but God is using "brothers" to talk about how close and united and special we are to one another in the family of Jesus.
And Victor, you are going to have a little brother in our very own family!
How we pray that God will knit together your heart with this precious little boy and capture both of your hearts to fear and treasure Jesus so that you will be double brothers always!
Your Momma and Daddy are so thankful and happy to bring another sweet little boy to our home.
I think it will mean more of this...
And this...
And this...
And this...
And this...
... and what a great thing that is!
Together, may you fight the good fight of faith; take hold of the eternal life to which you were called, and you made the good confession in the presence of many witnesses (1 Timothy 6:12).
And may you be comrades, helpers, and friends to one another all your days.
We love you, our favorite little Victor, and we love you too, little boy #2.
Looking to Jesus,
Momma and Daddy
Showing Ducky the big news
Thursday, November 7, 2013
Daylight Savings, Puking, God's Provision
Victor came down with his first cold of the season last week.
And it was a bit of a hectic week, late nights and early mornings.
And I don't sleep real great when V gets a cough.
And I am worse than Victor at adjusting to Daylight Savings this year (hard to shake those 4am wake ups).
So, I think that all caught up with me on Monday when, in an odd pregnancy twist, I puked 3 times.
Definite flashbacks to last pregnancy. (Except that this time when I puked, I woke Victor up from his nap.)
So, it was a bit of a low point.
The thing about low points is that they are generally also the times when you see most clearly God's care.
Like somehow being okay until Ben got home from class.
And then being able to haul myself out of bed to tuck Victor in bed, and getting the longest, sweetest snuggle from him I remember.
And keeping down some chicken broth in the morning, so that I was strong enough for Ben to go to his meetings.
And the sweet provision of two friends to take Victor for big pieces of the day so I could rest (and catch up on some work).
And no repeat performances so far...
In the moment, it always feels like the horrible nausea is there to stay. Forever. When it stretches into hours and days and weeks and months, it's a long, hard, dreary battle, and the sheer weight of physical groaning can threaten to squelch all the hopeful truths I know.
And yet, it can set the stage for such sweet breakthroughs of grace that I would not otherwise taste. So (at least after the fact) I recognize it as one of those thorny gifts, that pulls aside the veil to reveal Jesus.
To my friend who is in the middle of it all right now, I am praying for you. It is hard. It is so hard.
But it is not the end of the story, and joy will indeed come in the morning.
And it was a bit of a hectic week, late nights and early mornings.
And I don't sleep real great when V gets a cough.
And I am worse than Victor at adjusting to Daylight Savings this year (hard to shake those 4am wake ups).
So, I think that all caught up with me on Monday when, in an odd pregnancy twist, I puked 3 times.
Definite flashbacks to last pregnancy. (Except that this time when I puked, I woke Victor up from his nap.)
So, it was a bit of a low point.
The thing about low points is that they are generally also the times when you see most clearly God's care.
Like somehow being okay until Ben got home from class.
And then being able to haul myself out of bed to tuck Victor in bed, and getting the longest, sweetest snuggle from him I remember.
And keeping down some chicken broth in the morning, so that I was strong enough for Ben to go to his meetings.
And the sweet provision of two friends to take Victor for big pieces of the day so I could rest (and catch up on some work).
And no repeat performances so far...
In the moment, it always feels like the horrible nausea is there to stay. Forever. When it stretches into hours and days and weeks and months, it's a long, hard, dreary battle, and the sheer weight of physical groaning can threaten to squelch all the hopeful truths I know.
And yet, it can set the stage for such sweet breakthroughs of grace that I would not otherwise taste. So (at least after the fact) I recognize it as one of those thorny gifts, that pulls aside the veil to reveal Jesus.
To my friend who is in the middle of it all right now, I am praying for you. It is hard. It is so hard.
But it is not the end of the story, and joy will indeed come in the morning.
Saturday, November 2, 2013
10 Dangers of Discipline, Part 1
Parenting is full of delight. What a gift from God.
But it's full of lots of other things too. Exhaustion, puzzlement, challenge. I was reflecting a couple days ago about discipline--so essential for parenting. One of our main ways to love the little people entrusted to our care.
And yet, with the wicked, sinful hearts we come with (not to speak of our kids'!), it's full of dangers... ways that we can distort the reflection of God's faithful, persevering discipline of His children.
Here's a list of 10 ways I thought of that we can miss the boat in discipline. Most points on this list came from considering the wrong impulses or temptations of my own heart. It's surely not exhaustive, but maybe it will be helpful in thinking through and asking for God's help for more God-reflecting discipline in our homes.
1. Harshness and anger
Fathers, do not exasperate your children, so that they will not lose heart (Colossians 3:21).
When children seem to be intentionally pushing your buttons... when you're tired... when it feels absolutely unreasonable that they are choosing this most inconvenient moment to rebel... it is easy to lash out with (often self-righteous) anger and harshness.
How it must grieve the Lord when I fail to reflect His "compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in lovingkindness" character (Exodus 34:6).
2. Lethargy and fatigue
Sometimes it feels like just. too. much. to respond one more time. We may overlook disobedience or quiet rebellion, not because of prudent grace but because it's exhausting to step in, address the situation, and walk through the process, again, of training, correction, and restoration.
Sometimes you can almost feel the little one's spirit pushing, testing to see if he can get away with something if he just tries long enough. It takes a lot of stamina, some days, to stay in the game.
But we are the earliest pictures of God given to our children, and we want to make a true reflection of His never-ending intervention for the good of our hearts. So it is a gift to our children when we lean into grace for the strength to step in one more time when it's needed.
Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary (Galatians 6:9).
3. Distraction
Maybe this wouldn't seem like a danger, more like a state-of-being for parents with small children (especially more than one). Life is full of shifting priorities and more demands on our time than resources to supply.
But it is a real danger that we may forget the long-range importance of some things like discipline, under the louder-shouting urgency of other things.
When I'm in the middle of something, I'm often more likely to ignore behavior that should be responded to, simply because it means breaking away from what I'm in the middle of. I may subconsciously rationalize overlooking trouble, even though I would agree that finishing my grocery list is not as important as taking a teaching moment with my child.
It struck home when I was reading this morning and came across this:
His own iniquities will capture the wicked, and he will be held with the cords of his sin. He will die for lack of instruction, and in the greatness of his folly he will go astray (Proverbs 5:22-23).
I can forget that lack of instruction may be far more dangerous for my children than lack of milk and toilet paper.
To be continued...
But it's full of lots of other things too. Exhaustion, puzzlement, challenge. I was reflecting a couple days ago about discipline--so essential for parenting. One of our main ways to love the little people entrusted to our care.
And yet, with the wicked, sinful hearts we come with (not to speak of our kids'!), it's full of dangers... ways that we can distort the reflection of God's faithful, persevering discipline of His children.
Here's a list of 10 ways I thought of that we can miss the boat in discipline. Most points on this list came from considering the wrong impulses or temptations of my own heart. It's surely not exhaustive, but maybe it will be helpful in thinking through and asking for God's help for more God-reflecting discipline in our homes.
1. Harshness and anger
Fathers, do not exasperate your children, so that they will not lose heart (Colossians 3:21).
When children seem to be intentionally pushing your buttons... when you're tired... when it feels absolutely unreasonable that they are choosing this most inconvenient moment to rebel... it is easy to lash out with (often self-righteous) anger and harshness.
How it must grieve the Lord when I fail to reflect His "compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in lovingkindness" character (Exodus 34:6).
2. Lethargy and fatigue
Sometimes it feels like just. too. much. to respond one more time. We may overlook disobedience or quiet rebellion, not because of prudent grace but because it's exhausting to step in, address the situation, and walk through the process, again, of training, correction, and restoration.
Sometimes you can almost feel the little one's spirit pushing, testing to see if he can get away with something if he just tries long enough. It takes a lot of stamina, some days, to stay in the game.
But we are the earliest pictures of God given to our children, and we want to make a true reflection of His never-ending intervention for the good of our hearts. So it is a gift to our children when we lean into grace for the strength to step in one more time when it's needed.
Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary (Galatians 6:9).
3. Distraction
Maybe this wouldn't seem like a danger, more like a state-of-being for parents with small children (especially more than one). Life is full of shifting priorities and more demands on our time than resources to supply.
But it is a real danger that we may forget the long-range importance of some things like discipline, under the louder-shouting urgency of other things.
When I'm in the middle of something, I'm often more likely to ignore behavior that should be responded to, simply because it means breaking away from what I'm in the middle of. I may subconsciously rationalize overlooking trouble, even though I would agree that finishing my grocery list is not as important as taking a teaching moment with my child.
It struck home when I was reading this morning and came across this:
His own iniquities will capture the wicked, and he will be held with the cords of his sin. He will die for lack of instruction, and in the greatness of his folly he will go astray (Proverbs 5:22-23).
I can forget that lack of instruction may be far more dangerous for my children than lack of milk and toilet paper.
To be continued...
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