10 Dangers of Discipline, Part 1

Parenting is full of delight.  What a gift from God.

But it's full of lots of other things too.  Exhaustion, puzzlement, challenge.  I was reflecting a couple days ago about discipline--so essential for parenting.  One of our main ways to love the little people entrusted to our care.

And yet, with the wicked, sinful hearts we come with (not to speak of our kids'!), it's full of dangers... ways that we can distort the reflection of God's faithful, persevering discipline of His children.

Here's a list of 10 ways I thought of that we can miss the boat in discipline. Most points on this list came from considering the wrong impulses or temptations of my own heart.  It's surely not exhaustive, but maybe it will be helpful in thinking through and asking for God's help for more God-reflecting discipline in our homes.

1. Harshness and anger

Fathers, do not exasperate your children, so that they will not lose heart (Colossians 3:21).

When children seem to be intentionally pushing your buttons... when you're tired... when it feels absolutely unreasonable that they are choosing this most inconvenient moment to rebel... it is easy to lash out with (often self-righteous) anger and harshness.

How it must grieve the Lord when I fail to reflect His "compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in lovingkindness" character (Exodus 34:6).  

2. Lethargy and fatigue

Sometimes it feels like just. too. much. to respond one more time.  We may overlook disobedience or quiet rebellion, not because of prudent grace but because it's exhausting to step in, address the situation, and walk through the process, again, of training, correction, and restoration.

Sometimes you can almost feel the little one's spirit pushing, testing to see if he can get away with something if he just tries long enough.  It takes a lot of stamina, some days, to stay in the game.

But we are the earliest pictures of God given to our children, and we want to make a true reflection of His never-ending intervention for the good of our hearts.  So it is a gift to our children when we lean into grace for the strength to step in one more time when it's needed. 

Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary (Galatians 6:9).

3. Distraction

Maybe this wouldn't seem like a danger, more like a state-of-being for parents with small children (especially more than one).  Life is full of shifting priorities and more demands on our time than resources to supply.

But it is a real danger that we may forget the long-range importance of some things like discipline, under the louder-shouting urgency of other things.

When I'm in the middle of something, I'm often more likely to ignore behavior that should be responded to, simply because it means breaking away from what I'm in the middle of. I may subconsciously rationalize overlooking trouble, even though I would agree that finishing my grocery list is not as important as taking a teaching moment with my child.  

It struck home when I was reading this morning and came across this:

His own iniquities will capture the wicked, and he will be held with the cords of his sin.  He will die for lack of instruction, and in the greatness of his folly he will go astray (Proverbs 5:22-23).

I can forget that lack of instruction may be far more dangerous for my children than lack of milk and toilet paper.

To be continued...