Jemima at 2 Weeks (plus the full blue chair line-up)

Jemima at 2 weeks old

 

Calvin at 2 weeks old

Elliot at 2 weeks old

Josiah at 2 weeks old

Victor at 2 weeks old

Be still, my heart. Five little bundles. One saggy-cushioned blue chair, marking the beginnings of our life with five little members of this family.

"The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases. His mercies never come to an end. They are new every morning. Great is Your faithfulness" (Lamentations 3:20-21). 

Jemima is doing really well so far. She has had more rocky nights than her brothers, but we are starting to enjoy some 4-hour stretches between feedings at night, which is so luxurious. Nursing was a rough start, but we got a little tongue-tie resolved last week, which has reduced the pain considerably. On Friday she was well-past her birth weight (6 lb 11 oz) to 7 lb 6.5 oz, so bravo little piccolo! 

The big brothers are so sweet to her, making signs to decorate her crib and giving her little kisses on the forehead. We are so thankful for God's mercies in so many directions.

The Name: Jemima Faye

Dear Jemima,

Though you are our "grand finale" baby (we think), your name was perhaps the first one settled on by Daddy and me. Way back when we were thinking of what to call our first baby (who was, I felt quite certain, a girl), the name Jemima was our first choice.

Like each of our kids, your first name is special to us because of what it reminds us about God. 

 

In the Bible, the story of Jemima (ESV "Jemimah") begins with the story of Job. Job was a man who believed in God, served God, taught his children about God, treated his family, employees, and the vulnerable in light of God's love, and feared and revered God (Job 1:1, 5, 23:11, etc). And yet, for reasons that he could not fathom, God sent him suffering of the deepest and most painful kinds.

He lost his livelihood, his possessions, his children, and his health. Even his friends thought that such profound and sustained suffering must be a sign that God was judging him. To walk through deep waters amid such accusations and questions was a trial of the soul like few taste. 

But Job had hope like an anchor in his soul.

Though He slay me, yet I will hope in Him (Job 13:15).

For I know that my Redeemer lives, and at the last He will stand upon the earth. And after my skin has been thus destroyed, yet in my flesh I shall see God (Job 19:25-26).

The real question is, was God trust-worthy?

We get an actual answer to that question in James 5:11:

We count those blessed who endured. You have heard of the endurance of Job and have seen the outcome of the Lord's dealings, that the Lord is full of compassion and is merciful.

Indeed, God was and is always worthy of our trust. After Job's anguish, questioning, and outcries, God vindicates his faith and restores his health and prosperity, "and the LORD gave Job twice as much as he had before" (Job 42:10). 

Not only that, but, in true resurrection-type joy,

the LORD blessed the latter days of Job more than his beginning. And he had 14,000 sheep, 6,000 camels, 1,000 yoke of oxen, and 1,000 female donkeys. He had also seven sons and three daughters. And he called the name of the first daughter Jemimah, and the name of the second Keziah, and the name of the third Keren-happuch. And in all land there were no women so beautiful as Job's daughters. And their father gave them an inheritance among their brothers. (Job 42:12-15)

To us, the name Jemima is a reminder of "joy that comes in the morning," of the indestructible hope that belongs to those who trust in God, even when nothing makes sense, and of the way Jesus' victory over sin, death, and the curse is so absolute that even our deepest sorrows and losses may be transformed to joy in Him.

Dear Jemima, when we look at you, we see a little picture of Jesus' resurrection joy. And we pray that you will know that joy in the fullest measure, as you come to trust in Jesus yourself!

Your middle name, like each of our kids, has a special connection to our family.

My mom's name is Patty Rae. Daddy's mom's name is Meredith Kay. And your middle name, Faye, is in honor of both these amazing grandmas. 

Faye means "faith," and faith is the greatest legacy that Grammy and Grandma Kay have given to our family. Like Paul wrote to Timothy, "I am reminded of your sincere faith, a faith that dwelt first in your grandmother Lois and your mother Eunice and now, I am sure, dwells in you as well" (2 Timothy 1:5).

To have two grandmothers who faithfully pray for you, model trust in Jesus, and desire to strengthen you in your own faith and life in Christ is a priceless gift that we thank God for.

And, how fitting that you arrived on Mother's Day, when we remember the sacrifice and investment of these women in the lives of their families.

Grammy shows such gentleness and patience to our family, as a wonderful picture of God's lavish grace and love. She is thoughtful about the specific needs and preferences of each one, and she is an unmatched "giver" of time, care, service, and encouragement. 

 

Grandma Kay is a joyful, whole-hearted lover of God. She prays earnestly, seeks God in His word faithfully, and responds to the leading of the Holy Spirit in specific and faith-filled ways, and she is full of joy to be a "trophy of God's grace." 

 

Jemima, we are blessed beyond measure to have these grandmas in our family, and I know you will be the recipient of unmeasured grace because of their investment in your life.

These are the special thoughts behind your name, and we pray that ultimately, your name will be etched in the Lamb's book of life, as a sign of your belonging wholly to Jesus Christ forever! 

Love you, sweet girl,

Momma

And then there were...

 

 

 

... 5 Katterson guys. 

And 2 ladies!

 

(Despite Ben's face, he's actually very happy. 😉)

 

Yes, it is quite a mental adjustment to anticipate folding a little girl into this rugged mix of boys.

 

No, it's not triplets (wouldn't that be a game changer!). Ben and I count.

 

Yes, the boys were rooting for another boy. But I think they'll rally.

 

No, I wouldn't have been disappointed to have a basketball team-ful of boys. But we most especially want the child that God wants to plant in our family. 

Yes, my OB was surprised. She said she had to read the ultrasound twice to be sure.

No, I don't have any little girl clothes. Except possibly a real cute onesie that I bought at a garage sale before we had Victor's ultrasound (lo, these 9 years ago), because I was really quite sure that he was a girl. But come to think of it, I think I gave it away a couple years ago...

Yes, I still like the first girl's name we ever picked. But I have to grapple with the reality that there will likely not be a Luke Andrew Katterson joining the family as I had thought!

 

Conversation in the car after celebratory Five Guys dinner:

 

Ben to boys: What is your favorite girl's name?

Victor, after a long pause: I don't think I have one.

Josiah, emphatically: I don't even know any girls.

[Ben reminds him of the girls in our small group, extended family, neighborhood, etc.]

Elliot: Charis. 

 

[Big points for coming up with a girl's name. This vote gained fast traction, since there are already two young Charis/Karis's in our small group.]

Calvin: Cyrus. [Long pause.] Daddy!

 

 

So, there will be some adjustments ahead. Prayers welcomed. 💗

Lord, take this little girl, and make her a follower of Jesus from her very early days.

Grateful New Year

 

I love Christmas. 

But yesterday I realized that now that we've come through the holidays (and a wonderful time it was!), I am so profoundly grateful for so many things.

I'm thankful for my sweet family (on both sides) and the memories made with cousins, aunts, uncles, and grandparents.

I'm thankful for where God has planted us, part of a body of Christ that we love and that spurs us on toward Jesus. Thankful for places to serve and to invest in something that isn't going to fail or fly away (no matter what unexpected twists the future may hold).

I'm thankful for a new year and a sense of purpose... to serve, teach, and love my boys on a path toward Christlikeness, to be a good helper for Ben and keep in step with his leading, to abide in Jesus and let the Spirit shape me, to love the people around me and not shrink back into a safe and comfortable place of self-absorption. 

I'm thankful for God's evident protection and provision all through the last year (with the troubles and sorrows it held). I'm thankful that we don't walk into the future alone or have to wonder what the end of the story will be. 

And I'm thankful for 21 weeks with a new life growing. For the kicks that are such a sweet gift to me. For whatever God has in store for this new Katterson child.

Tomorrow is our ultrasound. Why have I not posted anything online, made a fun announcement, celebrated this life earlier?

I think it was probably a mixed cup of remnant grief, fear, and a real healthy dose of nausea and headaches. 

But it came to me recently that no matter what God has for this child, whether he (she?) comes to our arms and our home or goes straight to Jesus, this is a gift for which to be grateful.

So, a grateful new year to you! And may we see God's hand wherever He leads.

How to Find the Time

As a follower of Jesus, you want to have regular time in the Word and prayer. That doesn't mean it’s easy to carve it out each day. But you want it. 

Let me lean in here.

Why is regular time with the Lord of crucial value? Consider just 10 reasons.

• Because our hearts are fickle and forgetful.  
• Because the world is dark and darkening.
• Because our families, our neighbors, our co-workers, our children, our friends, and the strangers who pass us in the grocery store are eternal souls.
• Because apart from Jesus we can do nothing.
• Because we have a new identity, a new calling, and we need clear vision of what our Savior and Lord wants for us today.
• Because we need wisdom.
• Because we need correction.
• Because we need God's promises.
• Because facing life is terrifying when we forget who holds all the molecules and moments in His hand.
• Because our hearts will ceaselessly crave lesser things if we miss the quenching, refreshing joy of drawing near to God.

Are you with me? This is important. 

Second, if we see the importance, why is it so hard to implement? If you've ever tried and failed to establish regular time with God, you know it surely is.

Another 10 reasons:

• Because our enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.
• Because little kids wake up early.
• Because work, school, bills, housework, yardwork, sports, laundry, dishes, meal prep, shopping, driving, meetings, and church activities demand our attention.
• Because it's very hard to concentrate.
• Because it is noisy.
• Because interruptions constantly bombard us.
• Because the Bible can be hard to understand.
• Because our phones are right. there.
• Because we are very tired.
• Because we feel guilty about not doing it enough, or right, or at all.

Quick reminder: why do we want to meet with God? 

Not to gain His favor or approval. 

Not to maintain a certain level of spirituality.

Not to prevent bad things from happening or offer penance for our mistakes.

In Christ, we are beloved. The door has been flung open to commune with God, hear from Him, pour out our hearts to Him, and grow in the reflection of Christ. That’s why.

Another clarification: having a plan for your time with God is not legalism. It is the essential work of establishing a priority. Every important area of life requires purpose and planning to flourish.

For that reason, let’s get practical ...

Step 1: Ask God for help. 

Our biggest obstacles to time with God are not schedules, children, or our many responsibilities. Our biggest obstacles are in our own heart (accentuated by obstacles from the world and the devil). So ask God to knock them all over and make time with Him a daily privilege and delight. 

Step 2: Assess your daily rhythm. 

Establishing regular time with God is very challenging when life doesn’t operate in a tidy schedule. In addition, life is a series of changing seasons. Just when you find a pattern that fits one stage of life, something changes.

However, that doesn’t mean it’s impossible to plan time with God. It simply may not work the same way every day, every week, or every year. 

So consider: Right now, what are the times in your day where you are freest from other demands? Where do you get to decide what you will do with a chunk of time? (This might be naptime, evenings, the first hour of the day, a block of time when kids are at school, or your lunch break.)

Step 3: Consider the competition. 

Another piece to the puzzle is identifying what absorbs spare moments right now.

For a day or two, observe your day like a careful budgeter. Assess your responsibilities but also those spare minutes here and there that are “slush time.” (“Slush time” is where you default when you catch a spare moment … maybe Facebook, grabbing a podcast or newscast, scrolling on your phone, Netflix, checking email, or cleaning a closet.)

Repurposing “slush time” may be a way of creating time with God.

Step 4: Plan the time and set a reminder.

As you seek God’s help and review your daily rhythm, choose a block of time that seems most consistently free and set it aside for time with God.

Then do what you would do if you set any other important meeting. Put it on your calendar, set a reminder on your phone, communicate with your spouse, block it on your work schedule, or so forth.

However odd it may feel, these steps are just the practical implementation of your highest priorities.

Step 5: Plan the where and what.

Next you need a simple plan for where you will be and what you will do during your time with God. 

Here are a few suggestions:

• Take advantage of the double blessing of God’s word with God’s people by joining a Bible study at your local church. 
• Follow a Bible reading plan, ideally with the fellowship of others. Here’s one such option. 
• Open and close your time with prayer, and pray in the middle. More than a mental or academic exercise, this time is for communion, renewal, and refreshment of your heart with the Lord.

Step 6: Do some troubleshooting.

What is most likely to crash your plan?

Keep a pad of paper or your phone nearby to briefly log to-do items that come to mind in the midst of your quiet time. These thoughts are not a sign of spiritual weakness! God is with you in all the details of life, but those things can likely be recorded and dealt with later.

If your children are a frequent interruption, consider some preventative measures. Set their expectations and provide helpful boundaries (Mommy is going to read and pray for 30 minutes now, and I will see you when I’m done.) Recruit help from your husband. 

Remember that you are loving your family by preserving time with the Lord. It is worth every creative effort to build this into your rhythm of life.

Step 7: Arm yourself for emergencies.

In a fallen world, even the best plan is likely to flop at times.

A new baby, the stomach flu, your husband’s travel, or a family crisis shake things up. This is not failure. And it doesn’t mean that you have lost communion with God, even if your planned time is missed.

Consider an arsenal of options for these emergency days:

• Play an audio Bible in the car, while you’re doing dishes, or as the backdrop to your regular activities.
• Let memorized Scripture feed your heart during middle-of-the-night awakenings or the briefest pauses in your day (during a bathroom break, while you sort laundry, walking to the mailbox, or while you brush your teeth).
• Pour out your heart to God, express your weakness and your desire to get time with Him, and hold fast to the promise of His unshakable love and care for you.

May every day be sweetened by time with God, no matter your schedule or season of life.

Emotions and Building Your Own House

Be true to yourself! Follow your heart. As you feel, so you are. To stifle, deny, or repress your emotions is not only unhealthy, it's actually dangerous.

These messages are the gospel of our culture, the good news that you not only may but must embrace how you feel and indulge it to the full.

So let's follow the line of thought to its conclusion.

Examples taken from my personal experience:

Scene 1: I feel frustrated because I can't get anything done. I snap at my kids, growl at my husband, slam around backpacks and water bottles trying to get out the door, and glare bitterly at the piles of work that taunt me with my futile efforts to make headway. In anything.

Outcome: full family misery

Scene 2: I feel needy, emotionally fragile. I wait for my husband to sense the specific tenderness and attentiveness that my soul craves. He fails, being a mere mortal. I grow silent, sullen, withdrawn. He is very confused about what the trouble could be.

Outcome: sad, disconnected evening

Scene 3: I feel industrious, ready to tackle anything. I charge into a project, getting knee-deep in work (the kind of thing that looks like a total tornado before getting better). My children come to me with tiny, insignificant matters: they need a snack, there is a squabble over a toy, they can't find their special bear. I brush them aside when possible, deal with the issues begrudgingly, ignore all that I can.

Outcome: bigger mess, tangled hearts that have not been shepherded, frustration (and loop back to Scene 1 above)

Our emotions powerfully speak to us, and they are no small part of what shapes our desires, attitudes, priorities, and responses. But they are tyrants if given mastery, and the fulfillment promised by boundlessly indulging what we feel is actually an empty one. "By what a man is overcome, to this he is enslaved" (2 Peter 2:19b).

What is the better word that the gospel of Christ brings? Nothing less than an entirely new heart.

"I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me" (Galatians 2:20).

Because we are deeply loved by Christ, because our ugly hearts have been put to death with Him and we have received new hearts with the very life of Christ, a new path is open to us.

The same strong native emotions course through us, but with the Spirit of Christ within we  see that those are not our deepest identity. And so the words of Proverbs 14:1 come to life: "The wisest of women builds her house, but folly with her own hands tears it down."

What does this look like on the ground?

Examples also taken from real life:

Scene 1: I feel frustrated because I can't get anything done. A heart check indicates that I'm craving significance through accomplishment. Truth reminds me: Christ has done it all. God is pleased with my humbly opening my hand for today's labors to receive what He is pleased to give. He knows when I need to get where I'm going. He may use the weakness of my hands and home to point to His sufficiency, even by contentment in what I can't get done. I'm still late and messy, but I'm able to walk in peace with my family and see the joy of these crazy days.

Scene 2: I feel needy, emotionally fragile. I wait for my husband to sense the specific tenderness and attentiveness that my soul craves. He fails, being a mere mortal. I quietly plead for an ability to trust God to minister what my heart needs and tell Ben that it might be a nice night to just cozy up on the couch and watch a show together because I'm tired and feeling needy. He prays for me.

Scene 3: I feel industrious, ready to tackle anything. I charge into a project, getting knee-deep in work (the kind of thing that looks like a total tornado before getting better). My children come to me with tiny, insignificant matters: they need a snack, there is a squabble over a toy, they can't find their special bear. I sigh deeply and offer up my project to God. I stop and help the boys work through their conflict and restore fellowship together. I ask for help to push through my work. I am surprised to find that I actually make some headway.

Oh friends, this is not a war we can win on our own. But the good news is, our Victor has come. We are no longer slaves to our emotions. The Shepherd of our heart may show us a new way, and we may find the grace to build our house instead of our own hands tearing it down. May it be, Lord!

Sleep Deprivation, Strongholds, and Radical Spiritual Victory

I am all too aware of what horrible outbursts of flesh and sin are typical of the morning-after-a-terrible-night-of-sleep.

I don't need to reach far into the recesses of memory to see the snappish temper, the inward, sulky heart, impatience with others' childish demands, and a general sense of wounded entitlement, all nurtured within a bleary sense that I would be so much better if only so-and-so had not awakened me every 2 hours or such-and-such had not needed to feed so often.

Groaning, I squint at the digital clock face that demands I arise from bed, whatever kind of train wreck I may feel. I am like a ticking timebomb of discontentment, probably moments away from bursting in someone's face.

But of course, this general sense that the world is gloomy and there is no redemption for the  crumminess of life on such a tired morning is just one of the enemy's ploys.

Doubtless, he intends to triumph over us without even a struggle, if he can just start us off in despair and lead us gently into a day full of frustration, self-pity, and irritability.

What other darts does he employ? Of course, our cross temper typically multiplies into poor attitudes for all the little people around us. This can easily mushroom into angry outbursts (defended as "discipline") and all its ugly fallout.

Generally, he also sows thick seeds of bitterness toward one's spouse, who (regardless of how good or bad his own night of sleep may have been) cannot appreciate the full pain that one is laboring under at the start of this day.

Knowing (as we do) that God is sovereign in all the smallest details of life, we generally hold a grudge against Him for this tortuous entry into a day and the crud that continues to unfold in it, as the cherry on top of our enemy's tactics.

"We are not ignorant of his schemes" (2 Corinthians 2:11). So what does it look and feel like to face up to the enemy and walk in faith and grace in a morning such as this?

It probably doesn't feel very radical and victorious. It feels more like dying a hundred deaths before breakfast. "For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war according to the flesh" (2 Corinthians 10:3). Most of this war starts in the brain.

God is for me. He has tailor-made graces for the needs of this morning.

These little need-vessels (my children) are a gift.

The sin troubles of their own little hearts mirror my own, and the sacrifice of Jesus has made a way for us to find pardon and help.

There are reasons to laugh even when I'm blitzed.

No agenda for this day is more important than listening for God's quiet voice and receiving and reflecting His love.

Even if I don't check much off my to-do list today, it will be a day that honors God if I walk in Spirit-given kindness toward those around me.

I don't need an extra 15 minutes of sleep as much as I need a few minutes for God's truth to wash over my mind.

My husband is on my team (even if he looks perky and refreshed). He might even pray for me if I ask him.

There is not more joy in sleep than joy in Jesus. And by Jesus' grace, I will indeed (most likely) sleep again one day.


To us, these quiet shifts of heart are pretty insignificant and unimpressive. But I would not be surprised if such is the stuff of "divine [power] for the destruction of fortresses" (2 Corinthians 10:4). Radical Christianity is seen when faith in Jesus triumphs in a sleep deprived morning.

Introducing... Calvin David Katterson

Dear Calvin,

You were a sweet little Father's Day gift to us, born Sunday, June 17 at 4:26pm. And a fitting kick-off to Jr High Summer Camp week (which your papa is missing, so he could be here to meet you). You joined us 4 days ahead of schedule, but at just the right time.

You were 7 lb 10 oz and 20 inches long, with more hair than your big brothers had at this stage. You've been more sleepy than hungry and already a sweet little snuggle bug.

Your big brothers think you are cute and Josiah couldn't stop giving you kisses. Yes, little one, we are so glad you have joined our family!

Every good thing given and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shifting shadow (James 1:17).

We thank God for you, Calvin, and we pray for His hand to write your name in His book of life through the blood of Jesus, so that you may enjoy the deepest joy in His presence forever!

We love you, little one,
Momma

Musings: The Past Few Weeks in Headlines

Sometimes life bowls along too quickly for me to keep up. Much less synthesize. Much less reflect meaningfully upon. Much less write meaningfully about.

In lieu of that, I will offer the headlines of stories I don't have time to write, and maybe someday I will look back, remember enough of the details to make sense, and flesh it out more.

When God Doesn't Stop You from Making Big Mistakes: Humility, Apology, Release, Repeat.
A Quiet Heart With Chaos in View
Why Is There a Hole in the Bottom of That Chip Bag?
Prequel: Piles of Boys in Worship (Without Daddy): Why We Should Always Go Potty First
Sequel: My Toddler Just Ran Into the Men's Restroom
The Wealth of Beauty Out My Back Window
Studies in Interruptions and Impatience
When You Grumble at Your Little Grumblers
The Joy of a Good Question: When the Helper Helps You Study God's Word
It's 8:30AM and I Have Used Up My Day's Worth of Energy
Eagerly Waiting for Christ's Return With Your Little Ones
Bless You, Tax Man

A Letter to Josiah

Dear Josiah,

My little one, you are growing and changing so much. It's always a thrill to see the first sure signs of understanding and responsiveness in a child, and we just love to watch as you absorb and engage with your world each day.

So many things show us that you are understanding huge amounts. You imitate so many sounds. Today you started saying, "I love you," when we said that to you. You make animal noises for lions, cows, goats, and monkeys. You say "wow" and "yay" and "yum" and "buzz."

When we ask if you'd like some more please or if you're all done, you will respond with the appropriate sign language... and how it delights my heart to see your little "please," even when I don't prompt it.

Responding in right ways is a life or death matter, my son. Responding in obedience and courtesy to your parents is one little step of grace, a step that we fervently pray will pave the way for your heart to respond in full, glad surrender to Jesus.

I've already written about the reasons why we chose your name to be Josiah. To summarize in a sentence, it is our prayer that you (like that young king in the Old Testament) will turn to the LORD with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might (2 Kings 23:25).

We live in a day where seeing God as our great Authority and King is quite out of style. It is fashionable to "be true to yourself," to "follow your dreams," to "never stop believing in yourself." I'll be frank, my son. These things  are foolishness. To blindly follow the way of your heart will lead to disaster, dishonor, and destruction. Our hearts are sick, and Isaiah 64:6 says that even the good things we try to do are gross and dirty at the core.

My little one, you are still so young, but already the impulses of your heart lead you toward self-harm. You want what is forbidden... electrical outlets, sharp implements, choking hazards. At the deepest point, that impulse is not just a will set against Mommy and Daddy... it is a will opposed to God's ways. And it gains you--like your parents--a sentence of eternal judgment from a perfect and always-right God.

But O, what a wonderful God He is! He did not leave us to self-destruct in our own sin. No, He did the most astounding and amazing thing we could dream of. He gave us His own precious Son, God Himself in a little body like yours. And Jesus grew and did what no man has ever done. He was the perfect reflection of God's ways, the flawless keeper of God's Word.

And in shocking mercy, He lived perfectly... yet died on the cross to cover over the horrid sins of His rebellious people. He died, my Josiah, to purchase your pardon and make a way for you to come close again to our awesome Father in heaven.

And if you will give your heart to Him in simple, utter faith, He will give you a new heart and put His own beautiful Spirit in you. A heart that is completely His.

So this is my life verse, my prayer for you all your days, that you would be one that God looks to and moves mountains for, as 2 Chronicles 16:9 says:

For the eyes of the LORD move to and fro throughout the earth that He may strongly support those whose heart is completely His.

Give your heart to Him, little one. He will pardon you, change you, and give you an eternal hope and joy that nothing can touch.

We love you, sweet Josiah! May your heart be always in God's hands.

Your momma

Balm

These have been some long, sometimes stressful, days. Health issues and questions (Josiah threw up twice yesterday/today), trying to put our home back together after having floors refinished, working to free Daddy to do his schoolwork and other work, wrestling to find the right discipline battles to fight and which ones to let lie, feeling kinda mediocre-to-poor in the ability to do any of those things well.

Tonight at bedtime, I lay next to Victor for 3 minutes (as is our custom) and chatted about our plans for the morning (as is our custom) and prayed for peaceful sleep and no bad dreams and great trust in Jesus (as is our custom).

And then, when it was time for me to leave, Victor spontaneously wrapped his arms around me and said, "I love you!" and snuggled his head on my shoulder.

And for some reason, I couldn't think of anything so pressing to do that I should get up and miss that sweet hug. His little arm thrown across my shoulder, head resting on my chest. "I love you," he said again. We just snuggled for 10 minutes.

It was 10 minutes of balm to my heart. A reminder of my own Father's love, a little glimpse of grace at work in my little one's heart, a moment to be still and know that God is God, and He is doing good, even when my failures stare me in the face more than any victories.

A sweet gift.

On Snow: A Letter to My Boys

Dear Victor and Josiah,

I had to stay  home from cousin Caleb's 1st birthday party today because I'm a little sick. I missed you and I missed sharing that celebration (albeit the birthday boy had such a good snooze that he slept through your whole time there!).

But now that you're home again, having your own snoozes, I just wanted to say that God has been so good to us. It snowed this week--a little early (in my book), but you didn't mind! I am convicted by your enthusiasm for shoveling, Victor, and how happily you receive pretty much anything that comes to you, Josiah.

Contentment is a lesson, so says Paul, and it's important for your whole life. More than circumstances, your attitude will shape the measure of your joy. And Paul said the secret to contentment is Jesus.

Do we see the snow as a gift from God, part of His good plan for our day? Do we look for ways to enjoy it, marvel at its beauty, industriously tackle the work it brings, and delight in its fun? Or do we just groan in bed, thinking about the mess, the traffic, the cold, the piles of outerwear required to do anything, and the onslaught of flu season? I confess to the temptation of the latter.

Oh my sons, I pray that we will be a home that sees God behind every snowflake and water drop and that we will receive with happy, open hands what He sees good to give us.

I love you,
Mom

My Baby Wears a Helmet

Well, to be more precise, it's a CranioCap.

I found out about two months ago that he would probably need it.

Actually, "need" isn't the right word. Since Josiah developed torticollis, he had some head flattening on the right side. The doctor said it was "in the top third" of severity, and Ben and I talked and prayed and decided it would be wise to get the helmet. It was just a judgment call, like so many things in life.

I almost wrote this blog post then, when we knew he was going to get it, about how I would feel as a Momma with a little boy in a helmet.

Really sad. Because I don't want him to suffer through an uncomfortable helmet.

Embarrassed. Because it feels like a walking signpost, "I'm a poor mother."

Self-conscious. Because people would look at Josiah and see a helmet ... not a precious baby.

I kissed that little soft head every night, thinking, "I am just going to hate it when a helmet is on this sweet little head and I kiss hard, cold plastic, instead of this little peach fuzz."

I was dreading it.

He got the helmet about two weeks ago, and I will be honest. It hasn't been like I expected.

Josiah is totally fine with the helmet. We probably wouldn't have gotten it if it was going to be painful or distressing for him, since it is simply cosmetic. But even from the very beginning, he hasn't shown any signs that it is uncomfortable or annoying. He doesn't particularly care when we take it off or put it on, and (aside from going through a rough stretch with an ear infection) he's sleeping fine with it.

Further, I'm not embarrassed. Well, not normally. I know that torticollis is almost always preventable in babies, and if I had known what to look for, I probably could have prevented the neck and head issues. But I didn't. I feel a little foolish for that, but I think that in the spectrum of things that I will get wrong as a mother, this is not the worst! And I wonder if somebody, somewhere might be encouraged to see me with my little cutie pie in a helmet and maybe feel better to know that I'm messed up. Like everybody is messed up. And maybe that will ease the sense of pressure to make it look like we all "have it together." So I'm praying God will make that a little picture of grace for someone.

And Josiah is still Josiah. He's a precious little boy, and a helmet doesn't cover that up. All kinds of people come up and want to meet him. At Pizza Ranch last night, a kid told me, "That's a cute baby!" Some people ask about the helmet, some don't. But bottom line, it's a really good lesson: what's on top isn't as important as what's underneath. And what's on the outside  isn't as important as what's on the inside.

I still love snuggling his sweet little head when he's not in the helmet. But when I'm putting him to bed, with his little white cap on, I can still kiss the tippy-top of his little head.

One more example of God's (surprising) good in things we wouldn't choose.