Recalling Anniversary Celebrations

1st Anniversary (2009)- returned to our honeymoon cabin in Spooner, WI; drove down to Iowa to meet newly born and adopted niece Janessa
2nd Anniversary (2010)- Lausanne Conference, Cape Town, South Africa
3rd Anniversary (2011)-  Linders' cabin in Baxter, MN, dinner at Grizzly's and walk around the golf course, pregnant with Victor
4th Anniversary (2012)- cancelled plans for an overnight at a bed and breakfast because Victor was sick
5th Anniversary (2013)- Lothlaurion, early snow, saw deer, pregnant with Josiah
6th Anniversary (2014)- Weekend "away at home," long walk in Hudson, WI; Delks' anniversary celebration
7th Anniversary (2015)- BCS seminary cohort retreat, pregnant with Elliot
8th Anniversary (2016)- weekend trip to Iowa
9th Anniversary (2017)- weekend at Pine Forest Retreat Center, apple orchard with Big Ben apples, pregnant with Calvin but didn't know it yet
10th Anniversary (2018)- mid-week trip to Iowa, beautiful walks, Kava Cafe, visit with Grandma Vaupel

100 Things I'm Thankful for in Our First 100 Months

100. When you send me to a coffee shop on Saturday morning to read my Bible and pray
99. Your accents
98. How you make me not self-conscious in group settings
97. Your pillow fights with the boys
96. Pizza night on Saturdays
95. When you hold the boys and sing with fervor during worship
94. Your cute smile
93. Shoulder massages
92. Our trip to Duluth for your birthday, about 6 months after we got married, when I got really mad at you for buying a huge specialty coffee
91. Chipotle burrito bowls with a tortilla on the side
90. Really good root beer
89. Family movie nights with popcorn (and Mighty Machines)
88. Praying for the "help-you cars" when we hear a siren
87. Our wedding verses: Now may the God of peace himself sanctify you completely, and may your whole spirit and soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. Faithful is He who called you, and He will surely do it. 1 Thessalonians 5:23-24 (half ESV, half NASB... half for you, half for me :) )
86. Early mornings setting up for worship at the South Site
85. When our car got towed at 4am one snowy Sunday morning. And it had the South sermon tape in it and the bulletins and everything that we needed for the worship service that morning! And your dad came and took me to the impound lot at 6am to get it, and God worked it out so everything was fine for church.
84. Your working in the South nursery every Sunday, back then
83. Watching Napoleon Dynamite at the Heinrichs with the South staff
82. Going to Cape Town with you for the Lausanne Conference over our 2nd wedding anniversary
81. How you love to travel
80. How you have been content to stay here with me so long
79. How you love to dream about traveling to bless and encourage our missionaries
78. How you always get excited to hear from our missionaries and still tell me we might go overseas someday
77. How you care about me and want to be sure I'm okay
76. How you and Aaron Davitch were hilarious together in the office
75. Early morning prayer meetings
74. You surprised me by arranging for me to go horseback riding on my birthday.
73. You persevered and finished your elementary ed degree.
72. When you made me white chocolate covered strawberries for Valentine's Day
71. Watching the entire Lord of the Rings series at the 501 Building
70. Going back to the Williams' cabin for our first anniversary
69. Running the Indi Mini together with Lori and my dad
68. Your tenderness to me in the hospital after Victor was born and I was so weak and sore and he was in NICU
67. How you always get excited to go to a wedding with me (free date!) and then you tell me that our wedding is still your favorite
66. Dinners at the Livingstons
65. You like my haircuts.
64. Family hikes at Lebanon Hills
63. Pray and Plans for our fam
62. When the pipes burst at the cabin where we were having a weekend getaway
61. Your vastly overspending "the underwear budget" to get me special things
60. Our date at the Melting Pot a week before Josiah was born
59. Your little black Geo
58. How you heard God's prompting to apply for BCS. Even though it was past the deadline and you were getting ready to start student teaching.
57. When you transitioned from being Logistics Coordinator to South Youth guy. (And we got to sleep in on Sundays and get home from church way before 3:30pm!)
56. Our first apartment at 3416 Portland Ave.
55. Having Char over for supper at our first apartment, and she drove that cute little green Bug and was such a blessing to us.
54. All Night of Prayers
53. How you love going to Iowa
52. Watching the BBC version of Persuasion with you. And how you like it too.
51. Your men's group and the way you prayed for those guys and loved them and were spurred on by them.
50. You're such a goofball.
49. How you love your mom. And my mom.
48. How you love your dad. And my dad.
47. How you respect and honor our pastors and elders at church
46. You accept even my most broken parts.
45. You're Positivity, Adaptability, Belief, Woo, and ??
44. I'm Responsibility, Harmony, Belief, Connectedness, and Input.
43. You loved that roasted chicken at Grizzlies up north.
42. How you jumped in as the Jr High guy Downtown, and how you just loved being with those kids and they loved being with you.
41. Walking around the lake with you
40. Sharing a decaf peppermint white chocolate mocha (my favorite) and looking at baby names in Barnes & Noble
39. Serving in the prayer room at DG Conferences together.
38. Going house hunting with you
37. Family dates at Costco with a huge pepperoni pizza and free samples
36. Squeezing 50 people into our basement apartment for a Christmas open house
35. How the boys get super happy when you come home from work
34. Celebrating Christmas with all the Kattersons when your mom and Jon came to town
33.The Fighter Verse skit when we were an elderly married couple...
32. Sitting side by side on the couch, even if we are just working on our own computers
31. When you bring me things you pick up for free somewhere and you know that it makes me so much happier than when you spend money on me
30. You don't mind when I put my cold feet on your warm legs.
29. Surprising you with all the boys when you are studying at Dunn Bros
28. How you are teaching our boys to take special care for ladies, like their Momma
27. When you like the food I cook
26. When you and the boys wash the dishes for me after supper
25. You encourage me and make it possible for me to use my gifts at church
24. You work hard to keep your priorities in order, even when lots of "good activities" could crowd out family time or such
23. You value my input and opinions
22.  Hearing you read books to the boys
21. Getting to know your friends as I got to know you
20. Hiking at Taylors Falls on a weekend away
19. When we took all 3 boys to Stillwater and went for a walk across the bridge, and halfway through a truck gunned its engine next to us and freaked out all 3 of them into hysterics
18. Family ice cream outings
17. Cheesecake Factory dates
16. You didn't get frustrated at me, walking the path of miscarriage and the emotional toll that took
15. Cozying up next to you on the couch to hear updates about your day after the boys are in bed
14. When you decided to get up earlier in the morning so that you'd have more time with God
13. When you decided to make yourself a schedule (even though you dislike them) so that you would be able to be intentional and purposeful in your use of time
12. How you love sharing with others
11. You want to keep pushing toward greater generosity in our lives
10. How you love to read Scripture on Sundays
9. Going to pre-service prayer with you
8. You want the gospel to shape our home in every way possible
7. When you make me a cup of coffee with cream and sugar, just how I like it
6. When you fold the laundry for me and put it away just to surprise me
5. You don't mind that I keep a "low maintenance" kind of look (i.e. mostly never wear make-up).
4. Watching Fixer Upper with you
3. You love connecting with people across the whole spectrum of ages and stages of life. I love that you want to reach out to the elderly and you relate to young people. There pretty much isn't anybody you don't want to connect with.
2. You take care not to embarrass me in public.
1. I just love being your partner in this life... caring for our boys, ministry to Jr Highers, tending to our home, sharing our families, reaching out to neighbors, finishing studies. These are days full of glorious, mundane, many-colored mercies, and I am so thankful for being next to you in the middle of them.

It's been a wonderful 100 months. And like always, with Jesus, the best is yet to come.

I love you.

Happy 8th Anniversary, Love!

Dear Benjamin,

8 years!

What a lot of grace we have seen over these days. I was thinking back to other anniversaries, when we were snuggled together in a little cabin somewhere to sleep in and savor the quiet of another milestone of marriage together.

Today, you are out with Victor and Josiah, filling the van with gas and picking up cofffee.

I'm watching Elliot bounce in his exersaucer and trying to figure out what to pack for your lunch.

You'll be off to seminary, we'll be off to MOMS.

There are laundry baskets on our living room easy chair and trucks on the floor.

Work is stacked on the desk.

The sun is peaking over the horizon, painting yellow leaves a breathtaking gold.

What a moment of grace today is, and how thankful I am to share it with you!

I love you!

On Turning 35

Today, 10 years ago, was the first Sunday of the new South Site of Bethlehem. What a day, full of joyful, exhausting, exhilarating hard work!

It was the beginning of a long, hard, sweet era of South Sundays (incidentally also the beginning of manning the South Info Booth, whence along came a man named Ben, causing Karin Livingston to probe a few months later, "Amy, does Ben Katterson like you?" ... but that's another story).

Then, it was the day before I turned 25.

Today, it is the day before I turn 35.

And what do I have to say about that? (Asked no one, but I'll share anyway!)

Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us, to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations forever and ever. Amen.--Ephesians 3:20-21

That's a pretty good summary of how I feel. The road that brought me here has been full of so many gifts, so much kindness. Long days, sleepless nights (didn't know much about those before kids!), loneliness, sweet friendship, painful conflict, encouraging conversations, deep loss, precious gifts ... God's provision has been constantly beyond expectation.

 The LORD God is a sun and shield. The LORD bestows favor and honor. No good thing does He withhold from those who walk uprightly.--Psalm 46:10

I really don't have much to say about why I'm at this blessed place in life. I didn't earn it. I didn't build it. Haven't figured it all out. As for being somebody who "walks uprightly," that's all a crazy gift too. God has covered over my sinful, selfish heart with the blood of His perfect Son, and He has given me a new love for His way. And then on top of it, He's given a boatload of other sweet gifts.

Creative, goofy, hard-working, sacrificial, Jesus-loving husband.
Three bubbly, bright, joyful, energetic, wiggly little boys, and a baby with Jesus.
Seminary life, ministry opportunities, the body of Christ.
Kind, long-lasting friendships and new connections.
Extended family that I love being with.
Mind-stretching work (some of which I am paid for) and lots of satisfying responsibilities.

Praise to the Lord, who o’er all things so wondrously reigneth,
Shelters thee under His wings, yea, so gently sustaineth!
Hast thou not seen how thy desires e’er have been
Granted in what He ordaineth? 

So today is full of reflections of gratitude. And tomorrow?

Well, tomorrow is held in the hands of the same great Keeper and King, so whatever it holds is yet another gift.

Thank You, Lord.

 Even to your old age I will be the same, and even to your graying years I will bear you! I have done it, and I will carry you; and I will bear you and I will deliver you.--Isaiah 46:4

To My Valentine

Dear Benjamin,

"All acts of love done in faith are small pictures of the gospel" (Miller, The Loving Life, 41).

You apologized somewhat sheepishly last night that you didn't have anything to give me today (but you're planning a dinner out next weekend).

But you were wrong.

You have given me many gifts today. Gifts that were costly, sacrificial, and uniquely fit to my needs.

Thank you for being on "wake-up duty," being the first smile and hug for our boys this morning, reading them their Bible story, getting them dressed for church, feeding them bananas.

Thank you for starting the car early, so it would be warm and ready to go to church.

Thank you for laboring to make the Sunday dash out the door as smooth and peaceful as possible... wrestling shoes onto wiggling feet, hats onto heads, mittens onto fingers, buckles on carseats, kisses on noses.

Thank you for praying as we drove, for asking God's help that we would each hear from Him and seek Him today.

Thank you for worshiping in spirit and in truth as we sang in church, for helping our big boy sit quietly, for giving him paper and pencils when he got fidgety, for escorting him up to his Sunday school classroom.

Thank you for holding my hand while we drove home, for sharing about your ministry (amid excited interruptions from the backseat), and for helping everyone get settled for naps.

"When I was explaining to a man I was discipling how death is the center of love, he recoiled from the thought. Then he laughed and said, 'Loving my wife with a dying love is like asking me to drown myself in a bowl of water on the kitchen table.' To put energy into the dying of self feels lousy. That is one of the many feelings of authentic love" (The Loving Life, 42).

Thank you for picking up your cross daily and following Jesus. Thank you for dying to self to love me.

Happy Valentine's Day.
I love you.

To My Benjamin

Dear Benjamin,

Yesterday was 78 months together.
We are all kind of sick.

This morning you made pancakes with Victor, complete with butterscotch chips, sneezes, and sad, fussy baby.

This is the stuff of life together.

Thank you for bending to your load, for studying Greek vocab while you fold laundry and give Victor a neb treatment.

Thank you for sitting in the Lazyboy in Victor's room, working by the glow of your computer screen, while he goes to sleep.

Thank you for getting up in the chilly mornings, trying to avoid the squeaky boards, and seeking God while everyone else sleeps.

Thank you for coming home from a long day of class and work, and dropping your arms full of bags to pick up an armful of boys.

Thank you for taking the jogging stroller with you on runs, for delighting in the trees, the hills, the bumps, the eagles, the fresh morning air along with our sons.

Our life is full of Legos and laptops, crunched Cheerios, church meetings, doctor visits, interrupted sleep, boogers, baths, discipline and storybooks, papers and finals, snuggles, and giggles. It is a rich, full, exhausting, wonderful place to be.

Thank you for being there with me.

I love you.

A Poem for 6 Years With You

Dear Benjamin, This is for you.

Who would have guessed, six years ago, that we'd be here?
Together, closer than before, and with more of our sin scrubbed off.
It leaves the skin raw sometimes, the exfoliating strength
Of life together.

I still love snuggling next to you on the sofa,
Draping my legs over yours like an ottoman.
You support me. You brace me. You hold me up.

Laptop by laptop, we share an evening.
Emails, reading reviews, a load of laundry keep us company.
Blocks strewn across the floor, cheese caked onto forks in the sink,
The dryer door hangs open from digging for a sleeper.

Two little people snooze in two little cribs. Arms flung wide,
Embracing sleep, mouths agape. And I marvel,
Are these sweet little boys really ours?
Precious round fingers, chubby arms,
Rosy lips, silky soft skin.

And then first one, then the other
Wake and cry
For a back rub, a potty break, an ear ache,
A kleenex, a meal, a bad dream.

Each day, each year, God carves
Through sleepless nights, conflicts, stomach flu,
Homework and meetings, your quirks and mine,
Our disfunctions and our strengths.
Six years of memories, splinters and curls, 
And slowly we find that our edges are softer,
Our arms twined tighter,
And the image of Jesus with His bride,
Maybe clearer now.

I love you.

Super Special Outing

I wouldn't say I exactly have a "bucket list" of exciting things I want to do before I die.  (I would be the boring, don't-really-aspire-to-great-heights-of-fun counterbalance to my adventurous husband...) But of expensive restaurants I never thought I'd eat at, The Melting Pot (a fondue restaurant) has always been a secret desire of mine to try.

And a week ago, Thursday night (as a belated Valentine's Day / last hurrah before Baby Brother arrives), Ben took me there!

Well, to be slightly more specific, I barely made it there (a very educational trip) all on my own.  For anyone who may find themselves at the Mall of America, looking for the Blue Line bus route to the Nicollet Mall Station in downtown Minneapolis, be advised that there is no Blue Line bus route.

Apparently the rest of the masses in Minneapolis are smart enough to figure out by intuition (because I never did find it posted anywhere) that the Blue Line refers to the light rail.  But I figured it out by finally mustering my courage to climb on some random bus at the station and asking the driver... who didn't know, but an obliging patron sitting nearby informed me that the Blue Line is THE TRAIN!

So, with as much speed as a 38-week-pregnant lady can muster, I hustled over to the train platform, somehow deciphered the payment machine to get a ticket (which, incidentally, no one ever checked?).  And I made it on board with one minute to spare.

After a brisk walk from the station (two blocks the wrong direction and then five the correct direction), I worked up a great appetite for dinner.  Ben had the harder task of finding street parking nearby, coming from church, so I was seated and got to enjoy the view of the Foshay Tower for a couple minutes while I waited for him.

The ambiance was the absolute best that I've ever experienced.  We had a half-circle booth facing a window and never saw anybody but a couple servers walking by... and it was quiet enough to actually hold a conversation!

So, in a meandering fashion, we enjoyed (I'm just writing this out so I can remember the whole experience):

- Spinach Artichoke Cheese Fondue (fontina and butterkase cheeses, spinach, artichoke hearts and garlic) with tortilla chips, French bread, rosemary bread, carrots, broccoli, and apple

- 3-Part Entree cooked (at the table) in Seasoned Court Bouillon... I had Andouille Sausage, Memphis-Style BBQ Pork Medallion, and Seasoned Choice Angus Sirloin, and Ben had Atlantic Salmon, Filet Mignon, and Teriyaki-Marinated Sirloin.  Plus some red potatoes, mushrooms, and summer squash.

And last, but not least (they were running a special, so we got free...)

- Flaming Turtle Chocolate Fondue with strawberries, bananas, cheesecake, Rice Krispie Treats, marshmallows, red velvet cake, and brownies. 

It was a lovely meal, not too huge portions, and a wonderful relaxing time.  We had some really good conversation about a blog post that Pastor Sam had recently posted, and all in all, really enjoyed our 2-hour long dinner!

It was a sweet gift and wonderful evening to remember.

5 Years with You, 50 Reasons They've Been Sweet

Dear Ben,

Here we are, 5 years in.  Happy anniversary!


You have been a great gift to me, and here are the full 50 reasons (among others) that I love you.


1.    You’re easy to be with.  There’s no one else in the world I find more restful and refreshing to be with than you.  Actually, I can’t really relax without you.

2.    You want to spur other men on toward Christ.  I love your earnestness in encouraging and exhorting your brothers… family brothers, seminary brothers, staff brothers, spiritual brothers. 

3.    You like my cooking. 

4.    You pray with our son and for our little unborn one.

5.    You sing with gusto and keep a hymnal in the car so we can sing on the road.

6.    You make it easy and enjoyable to show hospitality to others.  You engage so easily with others, you love to welcome newcomers, you carry a conversation, and you are happy to pitch in with dishes.

7.    You accommodate me so often, like watching movies and eating foods I like.

8.    You want to lean forward in memorizing Scripture.  It’s a great encouragement to me.

9.    You have already grown so much as a father… in tenderness, wisdom, discipline, encouragement, and thoughtfulness.  I look forward to parenting together through all the different seasons ahead.

10.    You are enthusiastic about everything.  You engage life with gusto.  You have a rare capacity for enjoyment of almost anything.

11.    You encourage me to use my gifts and find ways to stay active in ministry—even as seasons of life and capacity change.

12.    You share biblical insights with me, from your Bible reading, your Greek studies, your young adult work, or your classes.

13.    You are open to input.  We’ve had plenty of conflict, disagreements,  and misunderstandings.  I love your willingness to hear and try to understand, your humility and readiness to repent, and your growth in grace.  I know you’ll listen to me, and even when I’m the one in the wrong, you bear with me in great gentleness.

14.    You don’t care too much about fashion and a perfect appearance (which I really appreciate, being a pretty low-maintenance woman).  But you value any efforts to look special, on those occasions when I do.

15.     You like reading books with me and do great accents.  P.G. Wodehouse, Paul Tripp, Patrick McManus, C.S. Lewis, J.R.R. Tolkien, and so on have given us lots of good times together.

16.    You are serious about having a pure heart and pure mind for me. 

17.    I love watching you play with blocks on the floor with Victor.  You line up all the blocks in a row, and he walks around in deep contemplation, messing up your design and saying, “Let’s see here…” and “Know what?” 

18.    You are very, very generous.  You enjoy giving gifts, and you have a huge imagination about ways to bless others. 

19.    You’re always willing to try new things. 

20.    You’ve looked for ways to connect with my family (and, the awkward sledding excursion aside, you’ve done great!).

21.    You respect authority.  I really appreciate the way you honor and show high regard for those set over you.

22.    You look forward to growing old together, the white hairs, the rocking chairs, the hearing aids.  We laugh about it, because we’re already acting like old people quite a bit (deaf, early to bed, forgetful, pretty boring).  I’m glad I don’t have to be afraid of what you’ll do when I’m wrinkly and gray.

23.    You help around home a LOT.  Dishes, laundry, cleaning, taking garbage out… And you always say the really dirty stuff (like cleaning the toilet) is your job, not mine.

24.    You give the absolute best back massages and neck rubs.  For a lady who carries her stress in her shoulders, this is an amazing gift.

25.    You have really bought into living a wartime lifestyle.  (Of course, full-time seminary and part-time work limits options somewhat too, but it doesn’t feel like that made a dramatic difference in how we live.)  At the same time, you aren’t stingy.  You say no to a lot of things so that you can say yes to other things that matter more.  I love that.

26.    You are a great welcomer of newcomers.  I love your alertness to people who might be new or hanging out on the fringes.

27.    You draw fun pictures.  I still have all kinds of notes from before we were married; almost all of them from you have some fun drawing or design.  (And almost all of mine are bullet points.)

28.    You are careful about your priorities.  You’ve got a really full plate right now, and I see you being really careful about where you spend your discretionary time (whatever that is…).  You are very intentional about giving me and Victor good quality time.

29.    You really desire unbelievers to come to Christ.  And you’re taking opportunities to grow in evangelism and look for open doors to reach out to people who come across your path.

30.    You cannot keep a secret (from me anyway).  It kills you. 

31.    You have a great appreciation for nature and see the handiwork of God.  (I tend to keep my eyes on the sidewalk in front of me.)

32.    You aren’t afraid of looking silly. 

33.    You seek to honor your mother and father.

34.    You get excited with me about finding a good deal.

35.    You are equally glad to spend a date night quietly at home or out doing something fun.  You like one-on-one time, and you like get togethers with friends and family.  But whatever the case, it’s your goal to have a date night every week, even in this crazy season, and that means a ton.

36.    You thank me for feeding you vegetables.

37.    You are eager to lend a hand when someone needs help.

38.    You have given such a great gift in having ongoing pray and plan times, since even before we were married.  We don’t do it as often as we want to… but every time we do, I am freshly thankful for the remarkable grace that comes through that simple time of sharing and prayer.

39.    You’re very handsome. 

40.    You still hold my hand.

41.    Even though it’s gotten trickier, you still take initiative to get us a weekend away, maybe once a year, give or take.  This is a great gift!  Yay for an anniversary getaway this weekend!

42.    You get Victor up each morning so I can have a quiet time.

43.    You picked up running so that we could exercise together, even though our running styles vary somewhat dramatically.  And you go my pace.  (Well, you used to.  I don’t have a pace right now…)

44.    During our family gatherings, you nearly always cheerfully play with and entertain the children.  They love it.  The rest of the parents love it.   I know you love it, but sometimes it is also a willing sacrifice for the sake of others who are in the middle of a conversation. 

45.    You kill bugs, dispose of moldy peas, and generally do lots of dirty work around here.

46.    You still say that you like our wedding best.   You still turn up the volume when our processional comes on.  You still come back to those sweet words in 1 Thessalonians 5:23-24…

47.    You don’t live near the compost pile.  You are quick to move past the ugly parts of our relationship and look for grace.

48.     You can fix so many things.  You’re very handy.  (This is not a real strong point in my side of the family…)

49.    You tell me you’re on my team.

50.    You repent of sin and look for God’s grace to grow and change.  You are the man I married, yet in so many ways you reflect Christ to me more fully now.  You encourage me to be a better reflection of Christ too.

Now may the God of peace Himself sanctify you entirely, and may your spirit and soul and body be preserved complete, without blame at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ.  Faithful is He who calls you, and He also will bring it to pass (1 Thessalonians 5:23-24).

I love you.  Thank you for these 5 years.  The best is yet to come.

Amy

Day 9: 5YA50TITF

Dear Ben,

Continued from yesterday...

41. Even though it’s gotten trickier, you still take initiative to get us a weekend away, maybe once a year, give or take. This is a great gift! Yay for an anniversary getaway starting tomorrow!

42. You get Victor up each morning so I can have a quiet time.

43. You picked up running so that we could exercise together, even though our running styles vary somewhat dramatically. And you go my pace. (Well, you used to. I don’t have a pace right now…)

44. During our family gatherings, you nearly always cheerfully play with and entertain the children. They love it. The rest of the parents love it. I know you love it, but sometimes it is also a willing sacrifice for the sake of others who are in the middle of a conversation.

45. You kill bugs, dispose of moldy peas, and generally do lots of dirty work around here.

To be continued...

Day 8: 5YA50TITF

Dear Ben,

Continued from yesterday...


36. You thank me for feeding you vegetables.

37. You are eager to lend a hand when someone needs help.

38. You have given such a great gift in having ongoing pray and plan times, since even before we were married. We don’t do it as often as we want to… but every time we do, I am freshly thankful for the remarkable grace that comes through that simple time of sharing and prayer.

39. You’re very handsome.

40. You still hold my hand.

To be continued...

Day 7: 5YA50TITF

Dear Ben,

Continued from yesterday...

31. You have a great appreciation for nature and see the handiwork of God. (I tend to keep my eyes on the sidewalk in front of me.)

32. You aren’t afraid of looking silly.

33. You seek to honor your mother and father.

34. You get excited with me about finding a good deal.

35. You are equally glad to spend a date night quietly at home or out doing something fun. You like one-on-one time, and you like get togethers with friends and family. But whatever the case, it’s your goal to have a date night every week, even in this crazy season, and that means a ton.

To be continued...

Day 6: 5YA50TITF

Dear Ben,

Continued from yesterday...


26. You are a great welcomer of newcomers. I love your alertness to people who might be new or hanging out on the fringes.

27. You draw fun pictures. I still have all kinds of notes from before we were married; almost all of them from you have some fun drawing or design. (And almost all of mine are bullet points.)

28. You are careful about your priorities. You’ve got a really full plate right now, and I see you being really careful about where you spend your discretionary time (whatever that is…). You are very intentional about giving me and Victor good quality time.

29. You really desire unbelievers to come to Christ. And you’re taking opportunities to grow in evangelism and look for open doors to reach out to people who come across your path.

30. You cannot keep a secret (from me anyway). It kills you.

To be continued...

Day 5: 5YA50TITF

Dear Ben,

Continued from yesterday...


21. You respect authority. I really appreciate the way you honor and show high regard for those set over you.

22. You look forward to growing old together, the white hairs, the rocking chairs, the hearing aids. We laugh about it, because we’re already acting like old people quite a bit (deaf, early to bed, forgetful, pretty boring). I’m glad I don’t have to be afraid of what you’ll do when I’m wrinkly and gray.

23. You help around home a LOT. Dishes, laundry, cleaning, taking garbage out… And you always say the really dirty stuff (like cleaning the toilet) is your job, not mine.

24. You give the absolute best back massages and neck rubs. For a lady who carries her stress in her shoulders, this is an amazing gift.

25. You have really bought into living a wartime lifestyle. (Of course, full-time seminary and part-time work limits options somewhat too, but it doesn’t feel like that made a dramatic difference in how we live.) At the same time, you aren’t stingy. You say no to a lot of things so that you can say yes to other things that matter more. I love that.

To be continued...

Day 4: 5 Years and 50 Things I'm Thankful For

Dear Ben,

Continued from yesterday


16. You are serious about having a pure heart and pure mind for me.

17. I love watching you play with blocks on the floor with Victor. You line up all the blocks in a row, and he walks around in deep contemplation, messing up your design and saying, “Let’s see here…” and “Know what?”

18. You are very, very generous. You enjoy giving gifts, and you have a huge imagination about ways to bless others.

19. You’re always willing to try new things.

20. You’ve looked for ways to connect with my family (and, the awkward sledding excursion aside, you’ve done great!).

To be continued...

Day 3: 5 Years and 50 Things I'm Thankful For

 Dear Ben,

Continued from yesterday...

11.    You encourage me to use my gifts and find ways to stay active in ministry—even as seasons of life and capacity change.

12.    You share biblical insights with me, from your Bible reading, your Greek studies, your young adult work, or your classes.

13.    You are open to input.  We’ve had plenty of conflict, disagreements,  and misunderstandings.  I love your willingness to hear and try to understand, your humility and readiness to repent, and your growth in grace.  I know you’ll listen to me, and even when I’m the one in the wrong, you bear with me in great gentleness.

14.    You don’t care too much about fashion and a perfect appearance (which I really appreciate, being a pretty low-maintenance woman).  But you value any efforts to look special, on those occasions when I do.

15.     You like reading books with me and do great accents.  P.G. Wodehouse, Paul Tripp, Patrick McManus, C.S. Lewis, J.R.R. Tolkien, and so on have given us lots of good times together.

To be continued...

Day 2: 5 Years and 50 Things I'm Thankful For

Dear Ben,

Continued from yesterday...

6.    You make it easy and enjoyable to show hospitality to others.  You engage so easily with others, you love to welcome newcomers, you carry a conversation, and you are happy to pitch in with dishes.

7.    You accommodate me so often, like watching movies and eating foods I like.

8.    You want to lean forward in memorizing Scripture.  It’s a great encouragement to me.

9.    You have already grown so much as a father… in tenderness, wisdom, discipline, encouragement, and thoughtfulness.  I look forward to parenting together through all the different seasons ahead.

10.    You are enthusiastic about everything.  You engage life with gusto.  You have a rare capacity for enjoyment of almost anything.

To be continued...

5 Years and 50 Things I'm Thankful For

Dear Ben,

Five years ago, life was nuts, trying to pull together the last details of our wedding and get everything lined up to be away from work for 10 days.  We were excited, we were tired, we had no idea all the grace God had in store for us.

I'm so glad to be five years down the road with you.  And here are some of the many reasons why I love you and I'm thankful to be your wife (5 per day for the next 10 days til our anniversary).

Day 1:

1.    You’re easy to be with.  There’s no one else in the world I find more restful and refreshing to be with than you.  Actually, I can’t really relax without you.

2.    You want to spur other men on toward Christ.  I love your earnestness in encouraging and exhorting your brothers… family brothers, seminary brothers, staff brothers, spiritual brothers. 

3.    You like my cooking. And you're ridiculous in your compliments.

4.    You pray with our son and for our little unborn one.  Already, I can see Victor learning about prayer as a result of your example.

5.    You sing with gusto and keep a hymnal in the car so we can sing on the road.

To be continued...

4 Years, 4 Lessons

A few weeks ago I ran into a friend who is engaged to a lovely lady.

"What should I know about marriage?" he asked.

As the Lord would have it, I had just been mulling over the lessons we've learned in these past 4 years of marriage.

So here are the top 4 that came to mind:


1) Don't look too hard at one another; keep your eyes fixed on the Faithful One.

It doesn't take too many days (hours?) of marriage to begin disappointing one another, sinning, misunderstanding, and generally finding that your life partner has a discouraging number of warts (not to speak of the unfathomable sin that you never knew lay dormant in your own soul!).

The "life verse" of our marriage, so to speak, has been 1 Thessalonians 5:23-24:

Now may the God of peace Himself sanctify you entirely; and may your spirit and soul and body be preserved complete, without blame at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ.

Faithful is He who calls you, and He also will bring it to pass.

I don't know how many times we have looked at one another and nearly despaired of coming to a good place in whatever relationship schism we had encountered.  But this verse has been ballast in the boat.

God is working.
He will sanctify and preserve.
His faithfulness is what we're banking on.

(A related point: Conflict is not futile.  Submitted to God, it always serves to draw us closer together in the end.)


2) Wives: Tone of voice matters.

I think my besetting sin in marriage has been in tone of voice.

I may be right.  I generally feel a sense of regal self-righteousness and vindicated frustration.  I nail the issue dead-on.

But O how often have I delivered my message with harshness, peevishness, disrespect, and irritation.

I have the world's most amiable, adaptable, accommodating husband, so he's open to almost anything I have to say.  But when I slap him in the face with my tone of voice, the value of the message is lost, and whatever good thing I thought I had figured out along with it.

But when the Holy Spirit moderates and I am able to communicate with graciousness, respect, humility, good will, and kindness ... he hears, he feels helped, he feels strengthened.

So this has become my prayer for myself:

1 Thessalonians 5:11:

Therefore encourage one another and build up one another, just as you also are doing.

3) Husbands: Work to understand your wife.

Since this was a guy asking, I tried to think of the one piece of advice I'd give to a husband-to-be.

Under the husband's all-encompassing call to love (Eph. 5), I think the most practical, tangible expression of care is a concerted effort to bend yourself to understand your wife.

Reflect on.
Explore.
Think about.
Remember.
Listen to.

I realize it's risky to try to speak for all wives.

But for me, even the worst mistake or blunder or sin has the stinger removed if I can tell that Ben is really trying to think of me.

1 Peter 3:7:

You husbands, in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow hear of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered.

 4) Pray and plan together.

One of the most wonderful things about the wedding planning process was an unfolding desire to pray about everything.  Every little detail.  (And, out of the kindness of God, the outcome was a wedding day beyond what we could have asked or imagined.)

Tasting that grace, we decided early on that we wanted to have regular blocks of time (once a month, generally) to pray and plan together.

It's a little trickier now, with a little munchkin, but those pray and plan times continue to be one of the absolute best things for our marriage and for our life.

Starting off, we just made a list of all the significant areas of life we could think of, and then talk through and pray through the list, hitting some more than others, depending on what the need of the moment is.

We talk about important things, which otherwise would probably be overlooked in the rush.

We pray about lots of things.  I cannot imagine how much grace has flowed to us through this.

We look at the big picture of our life and assess what "course corrections" are needed.

We hear one another's burdens, hopes, praises, concerns, and joys.

We remember how big and sovereign and kind and wise and generous God is.

Bottom line: We love one another more, and we love God more.

Psalm 37:5

Commit your way to the LORD; trust also in Him, and He will do it.

 More lessons have been learned, but there are a few of the big ones in these 4 sweet, hard, fruitful, blessed, challenging years.

(And to outshine my puny 4 lessons, here is a great message: 40 lessons from 40 years of marriage -Dennis Rainey.)

4 Years Ago

4 years ago...