40 years of grace

It is impossible to quantify exactly how much grace has been crammed into the last 40 years of life.

2 amazing parents, 3 fabulous sisters

2 sweet parents-in-law, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, 4 brothers-in-law, 1 dear sister-in-law

2 "home churches," where I have been loved, prayed for, encouraged, taught, pointed to Jesus, and found true family from the day I was born to now. 

Friends down the street. Friends I grew up with. Friends from college days until now. Friends whom I lived with. Friends I have studied God's word and prayed with. Friends who have brought refreshment, wisdom, encouragement, correcting perspective, and joy in incalculable ways.

4 m 2 d with Jemima 

4 y 1 mo pregnant (5 precious babies who came into our home, 2 who went to Jesus)

9 y 8 m 5 d of parenting my sweet kids (uncertain number of sticky kisses, snuggles, and smiles that have brightened every day)

12 y 10 m  24 d of marriage to my kind, sacrificial, funny, Christ-seeking Ben

17 y 3 mo working at a church I love, serving with people I enjoy, admire, have learned from and been blessed by, at all 3 campuses

20 birthdays before 9/11, always showered with love, thoughtfulness, and special gifts

20 birthdays since 9/11, even more aware of how much each year is an undeserved gift

35 years since cancer diagnosis, surgery, chemo, and many, many hospital stays and doctor visits. 1 belly scar. 1 fully functioning kidney. Full head of hair. Clean bill of health.

40 full years of heart beating, lungs filling, eyes seeing, ears hearing, scents to savor, fingers that obey the command to move, legs that can stretch and bend and run, a voice, a mind. 

40 years of sunrises, breakfasts, stories, laughter, bruises that heal, water to drink, a whole astounding world to explore.

And all of this doesn't scratch the surface. Because I haven't just lived 40 years. I have been given life. These days didn't just unfold. They were written in a book before one of them came to pass. 

If all those gifts were taken away, I would still be wealthy beyond comprehension, because I was chosen before the creation of the world. Granted forgiveness and salvation at the cost of God's one and only Son. I have been brought into the family of the eternal King of glory. I have read the Book given by the Word that spoke all things into being and holds them together moment by moment. I have a future and inheritance that will not perish, spoil, or fade.

Oh, what grace! 

Now to Him who is able to keep you from stumbling and to present you blameless before the presence of His glory with great joy, to the only God our Savior, through Jesus Christ our Lord, be glory, majesty, dominion, and authority, before all time and now and forever. Amen. (Jude 24-25)

The Really Big Problem ... and the Greatest Rescue

There is a big story unfolding in these days, and we don't know all the chapters it will bring. But for all the seriousness and impact of COVID-19, a far greater story of peril, sacrificial love, and rescue surrounds it:

For while we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. For one will scarcely die for a righteous person--though perhaps for a good person one would dare even to die--but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:6-8

The problem: We are ungodly (all of us) and under a penalty of eternal death.

The risk: Not just unknown danger or potential hazards, but certain death on the part of the rescuer.

The motive: Love. Not our kind of love that settles on those who are lovable or already part of our people. This is love for the ugly, the enemy, the ones who have created the problem for themselves.

The rescue: God himself sent his own Son Jesus. He lived perfectly, keeping the standards that all of us have broken. He gave his life as a substitute payment for what we owe.

The offer: Receive him. Give up your way of trying to produce your own worth before God. Look only to Jesus for your perfect righteousness, your fully paid debt, and the resources to live in God's ways by God's own strength and Spirit.

It's an awesome story. Let's not forget it, no matter what unexpected twists come our way.

First Family Dinner

Oh yes, I have a blog. I forgot there for a few months... Doh.

Without attempting to recap all I've missed, here is a new thing: Saturday Family Dinner (like a melding of Sabbath Dinner of "What Have You" acclaim and pizza night from my childhood).

Yes, we pretty much always have dinner together. And yes, Saturday was already pizza night. So what's actually new?

Well, not so very much. Special new dishes. A centerpiece. Root beer in actual glasses. The goal: re-casting Saturday dinner as a time for special enjoyment of one another, special preparation for worship at church on Sunday, special celebration of the sweet gifts of God to our family in Jesus.

It was a fun beginning. Calvin grooving in his seat to the music. The discovery of a big, industrious ant in the centerpiece flowers. Lots of homemade pizza. Chocolate syrup stains on the tablecloth. Lots of giggles over the notion of barbecue sauce-topped ice cream. All the normal shenanigans, plus a little special flavor.

It's not really a time to hone dinnertime etiquette with the cloth napkins and rare appearance of knives at each place (though wouldn't that be a pleasant by-product!). We are trying to expand our own capacity to enjoy the gifts God has put right in our laps, invest with a sense of priority and heritage in our boys, and prepare our hearts for gathering with believers and praising God on the Lord's Day. 

A joyful start to something I hope will grow richer with time.

To hear more about "Sabbath dinner," give this a listen.

The Right to Choose

The right to choose is a real a weighty thing.

I choose what I do with my body. That is a great and valuable entrustment.

What difference do those choices make?

There are huge and far-reaching effects.

If I choose to act in compassion, considering others' interests and not just my own, the effects of my choice will be significant. Others will be changed in response to my choice.

If I choose to act in anger, selfishness, or pride, there are consequences to those choices as well. Though I have the right to choose, I cannot manage or control all the results of that choice. There are many factors outside of my control. In addition, the choices I make shape the course of my life and the direction of others. The choices I make matter.

If I choose to harm others with my body, that choice bears fruit. If I should choose to harm my 7-year-old, it would be a terrible and culpable decision. He has certain rights, because he is made in God's image and his body is not my own. Where my choices impact others, there is more to consider than just my own rights.

I also have a 10-month-old baby. He is much smaller than my 7-year-old. He is much more dependent. In fact, he depends on me for nearly all of his care. He doesn't contribute very much to our household, from the standpoint of utilitarian value. His presence impacts my own responsibilities in great ways. It is possible that my own health or sleep or employment may be affected because of the interconnected bonds of our lives. That impact does not mean that his body is under my jurisdiction, that I may do to it what I please. To assert such, to misuse his body in any way, is called abuse, and it is a horrifying reality. That I am stronger than he, more capable than he, more productive than he does not give me permission to use my body to harm him without repercussion.

Slightly more than 10 months ago, my baby was within me. His DNA was the same as it is now. His precious little nose had the same shape. His tiny fingers (already chubby!) had their own unique fingerprint. His little heels jabbed me in the ribs, quite aside from any impulse or effort of my own body.

About 8 months and 8 days earlier than that, his heart was already beating on its own.

Let us not imagine that the decisions I made with my body, the choices I had and have the right to make, were less significant in their consequences on his body than they are now. Nor, in the sight of God, do those decisions have any less weight of responsibility.

That may seem quite a burden. Who of us has perfectly stewarded the right to choose without error? Some have made choices that ended the lives of others. Maybe the others were very tiny and still within their body. Maybe the others were living independently. Some have made choices that did not harm the physical lives of others but harbored anger and hatred for them internally. In a crushing insight, God has said that the heart reality behind anger is the same as behind murder (Matthew 5:21-22). I am guilty. And the hard truth is that my guilt has earned me a consequence. Before a holy God, I have earned death (Romans 6:23).

But this grim, sweeping sentence is not the end of the story. In a shocking move, the Righteous Judge, God Himself, made a choice. He chose to send His only Son, the beloved Son, sent as a helpless baby into His own creation. He lived perfectly but was betrayed. He was judged innocent (John 19:4), yet handed over to death. He could have been delivered (Matthew 26:53), but He chose to give His life. And like a divine exclamation point, God raised Him from the dead to show that the exchange was complete, that the way was opened for us to be made right with God, to receive by faith the perfect record of the Son and by His death the penalty for our sin be paid (2 Corinthians 5:21).

Easter morning dawns tomorrow, reminding us of this cosmic invitation, to trust in One who chose not to be served but to serve and give His life as a ransom for many. I pray you find eternal joy and comfort in Him, whatever choices you have made before. He is worthy.



 

He Is Worthy

A real Friday. A terrible pain.

The day when the Lamb of the world was slain,

When the Light was crushed, whom the Father gave,

The Lord of life put into a grave.

The day toward which our hopes were bent.

The day for which the Son was sent.

A day of infamy, cruelty, death,

He uttered a cry and gave His last breath.

He is worthy.

Sleep Deprivation, Strongholds, and Radical Spiritual Victory

I am all too aware of what horrible outbursts of flesh and sin are typical of the morning-after-a-terrible-night-of-sleep.

I don't need to reach far into the recesses of memory to see the snappish temper, the inward, sulky heart, impatience with others' childish demands, and a general sense of wounded entitlement, all nurtured within a bleary sense that I would be so much better if only so-and-so had not awakened me every 2 hours or such-and-such had not needed to feed so often.

Groaning, I squint at the digital clock face that demands I arise from bed, whatever kind of train wreck I may feel. I am like a ticking timebomb of discontentment, probably moments away from bursting in someone's face.

But of course, this general sense that the world is gloomy and there is no redemption for the  crumminess of life on such a tired morning is just one of the enemy's ploys.

Doubtless, he intends to triumph over us without even a struggle, if he can just start us off in despair and lead us gently into a day full of frustration, self-pity, and irritability.

What other darts does he employ? Of course, our cross temper typically multiplies into poor attitudes for all the little people around us. This can easily mushroom into angry outbursts (defended as "discipline") and all its ugly fallout.

Generally, he also sows thick seeds of bitterness toward one's spouse, who (regardless of how good or bad his own night of sleep may have been) cannot appreciate the full pain that one is laboring under at the start of this day.

Knowing (as we do) that God is sovereign in all the smallest details of life, we generally hold a grudge against Him for this tortuous entry into a day and the crud that continues to unfold in it, as the cherry on top of our enemy's tactics.

"We are not ignorant of his schemes" (2 Corinthians 2:11). So what does it look and feel like to face up to the enemy and walk in faith and grace in a morning such as this?

It probably doesn't feel very radical and victorious. It feels more like dying a hundred deaths before breakfast. "For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war according to the flesh" (2 Corinthians 10:3). Most of this war starts in the brain.

God is for me. He has tailor-made graces for the needs of this morning.

These little need-vessels (my children) are a gift.

The sin troubles of their own little hearts mirror my own, and the sacrifice of Jesus has made a way for us to find pardon and help.

There are reasons to laugh even when I'm blitzed.

No agenda for this day is more important than listening for God's quiet voice and receiving and reflecting His love.

Even if I don't check much off my to-do list today, it will be a day that honors God if I walk in Spirit-given kindness toward those around me.

I don't need an extra 15 minutes of sleep as much as I need a few minutes for God's truth to wash over my mind.

My husband is on my team (even if he looks perky and refreshed). He might even pray for me if I ask him.

There is not more joy in sleep than joy in Jesus. And by Jesus' grace, I will indeed (most likely) sleep again one day.


To us, these quiet shifts of heart are pretty insignificant and unimpressive. But I would not be surprised if such is the stuff of "divine [power] for the destruction of fortresses" (2 Corinthians 10:4). Radical Christianity is seen when faith in Jesus triumphs in a sleep deprived morning.

100 Things I'm Thankful for in Our First 100 Months

100. When you send me to a coffee shop on Saturday morning to read my Bible and pray
99. Your accents
98. How you make me not self-conscious in group settings
97. Your pillow fights with the boys
96. Pizza night on Saturdays
95. When you hold the boys and sing with fervor during worship
94. Your cute smile
93. Shoulder massages
92. Our trip to Duluth for your birthday, about 6 months after we got married, when I got really mad at you for buying a huge specialty coffee
91. Chipotle burrito bowls with a tortilla on the side
90. Really good root beer
89. Family movie nights with popcorn (and Mighty Machines)
88. Praying for the "help-you cars" when we hear a siren
87. Our wedding verses: Now may the God of peace himself sanctify you completely, and may your whole spirit and soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. Faithful is He who called you, and He will surely do it. 1 Thessalonians 5:23-24 (half ESV, half NASB... half for you, half for me :) )
86. Early mornings setting up for worship at the South Site
85. When our car got towed at 4am one snowy Sunday morning. And it had the South sermon tape in it and the bulletins and everything that we needed for the worship service that morning! And your dad came and took me to the impound lot at 6am to get it, and God worked it out so everything was fine for church.
84. Your working in the South nursery every Sunday, back then
83. Watching Napoleon Dynamite at the Heinrichs with the South staff
82. Going to Cape Town with you for the Lausanne Conference over our 2nd wedding anniversary
81. How you love to travel
80. How you have been content to stay here with me so long
79. How you love to dream about traveling to bless and encourage our missionaries
78. How you always get excited to hear from our missionaries and still tell me we might go overseas someday
77. How you care about me and want to be sure I'm okay
76. How you and Aaron Davitch were hilarious together in the office
75. Early morning prayer meetings
74. You surprised me by arranging for me to go horseback riding on my birthday.
73. You persevered and finished your elementary ed degree.
72. When you made me white chocolate covered strawberries for Valentine's Day
71. Watching the entire Lord of the Rings series at the 501 Building
70. Going back to the Williams' cabin for our first anniversary
69. Running the Indi Mini together with Lori and my dad
68. Your tenderness to me in the hospital after Victor was born and I was so weak and sore and he was in NICU
67. How you always get excited to go to a wedding with me (free date!) and then you tell me that our wedding is still your favorite
66. Dinners at the Livingstons
65. You like my haircuts.
64. Family hikes at Lebanon Hills
63. Pray and Plans for our fam
62. When the pipes burst at the cabin where we were having a weekend getaway
61. Your vastly overspending "the underwear budget" to get me special things
60. Our date at the Melting Pot a week before Josiah was born
59. Your little black Geo
58. How you heard God's prompting to apply for BCS. Even though it was past the deadline and you were getting ready to start student teaching.
57. When you transitioned from being Logistics Coordinator to South Youth guy. (And we got to sleep in on Sundays and get home from church way before 3:30pm!)
56. Our first apartment at 3416 Portland Ave.
55. Having Char over for supper at our first apartment, and she drove that cute little green Bug and was such a blessing to us.
54. All Night of Prayers
53. How you love going to Iowa
52. Watching the BBC version of Persuasion with you. And how you like it too.
51. Your men's group and the way you prayed for those guys and loved them and were spurred on by them.
50. You're such a goofball.
49. How you love your mom. And my mom.
48. How you love your dad. And my dad.
47. How you respect and honor our pastors and elders at church
46. You accept even my most broken parts.
45. You're Positivity, Adaptability, Belief, Woo, and ??
44. I'm Responsibility, Harmony, Belief, Connectedness, and Input.
43. You loved that roasted chicken at Grizzlies up north.
42. How you jumped in as the Jr High guy Downtown, and how you just loved being with those kids and they loved being with you.
41. Walking around the lake with you
40. Sharing a decaf peppermint white chocolate mocha (my favorite) and looking at baby names in Barnes & Noble
39. Serving in the prayer room at DG Conferences together.
38. Going house hunting with you
37. Family dates at Costco with a huge pepperoni pizza and free samples
36. Squeezing 50 people into our basement apartment for a Christmas open house
35. How the boys get super happy when you come home from work
34. Celebrating Christmas with all the Kattersons when your mom and Jon came to town
33.The Fighter Verse skit when we were an elderly married couple...
32. Sitting side by side on the couch, even if we are just working on our own computers
31. When you bring me things you pick up for free somewhere and you know that it makes me so much happier than when you spend money on me
30. You don't mind when I put my cold feet on your warm legs.
29. Surprising you with all the boys when you are studying at Dunn Bros
28. How you are teaching our boys to take special care for ladies, like their Momma
27. When you like the food I cook
26. When you and the boys wash the dishes for me after supper
25. You encourage me and make it possible for me to use my gifts at church
24. You work hard to keep your priorities in order, even when lots of "good activities" could crowd out family time or such
23. You value my input and opinions
22.  Hearing you read books to the boys
21. Getting to know your friends as I got to know you
20. Hiking at Taylors Falls on a weekend away
19. When we took all 3 boys to Stillwater and went for a walk across the bridge, and halfway through a truck gunned its engine next to us and freaked out all 3 of them into hysterics
18. Family ice cream outings
17. Cheesecake Factory dates
16. You didn't get frustrated at me, walking the path of miscarriage and the emotional toll that took
15. Cozying up next to you on the couch to hear updates about your day after the boys are in bed
14. When you decided to get up earlier in the morning so that you'd have more time with God
13. When you decided to make yourself a schedule (even though you dislike them) so that you would be able to be intentional and purposeful in your use of time
12. How you love sharing with others
11. You want to keep pushing toward greater generosity in our lives
10. How you love to read Scripture on Sundays
9. Going to pre-service prayer with you
8. You want the gospel to shape our home in every way possible
7. When you make me a cup of coffee with cream and sugar, just how I like it
6. When you fold the laundry for me and put it away just to surprise me
5. You don't mind that I keep a "low maintenance" kind of look (i.e. mostly never wear make-up).
4. Watching Fixer Upper with you
3. You love connecting with people across the whole spectrum of ages and stages of life. I love that you want to reach out to the elderly and you relate to young people. There pretty much isn't anybody you don't want to connect with.
2. You take care not to embarrass me in public.
1. I just love being your partner in this life... caring for our boys, ministry to Jr Highers, tending to our home, sharing our families, reaching out to neighbors, finishing studies. These are days full of glorious, mundane, many-colored mercies, and I am so thankful for being next to you in the middle of them.

It's been a wonderful 100 months. And like always, with Jesus, the best is yet to come.

I love you.

The Biggest Problem

What is your biggest problem right now?

If you're like me, ideas come easily to mind.

Money problems.
Kids who disobey.
Lack of sleep.
Stressful relationships at work.
A husband who doesn't understand.
No husband at all.

Whatever the list, my tendency (and maybe yours?) is to totally miss the real problem.

Here's the worst case scenario.

1 Cor. 15:16-17 "For if the dead are not raised, not even Christ has been raised, and if Christ has not been raised, your faith is worthless, you are still in your sins."

There is no resurrection.
Christ has not been raised.
Your faith is worthless.
You are still in your sins.

Let the shock and horror of that land, just for a second.

Under judgment.
Lost forever.
Without hope, without God in the world.
Absolute despair of pardon.
Eternal separation from God.
Hell.

That, my friends, is a desperate, awful prospect.

And now, let the word of truth fill that picture with reality (and let the relief flood over you).

Christ has come.
Death is defeated.
He is risen.
Your faith--albeit weak or unsteady--if in Christ is not in vain.
You will never be alone.
Nothing can snatch you from His love.
Christ has triumphed, and in Him, God has purposed for all of eternity to cover you with kindness.

Hope spreads before you like an eternal ocean, because you are His and He is yours.

Where is your biggest problem?

It is crushed and disarmed by the death-defying, hope-bringing resurrection of Jesus.

Celebrating

Me, being spoiled rotten:

 

At Cheesecake Factory

Side-by-side with my sweetheart, just the right way to end the day!

Good News in Romans 8

In Christ...

• We have no condemnation (1)
• We are free from the law of sin and death (2)
• Christ fulfilled the requirement of the Law for us (4) 
• We may set our mind on the things of the Spirit and find life and peace (5)
• We belong to Christ (9)
• Our spirit is alive because of righteousness (10)
• Life will be granted to our mortal bodies (11)
• We are not under obligation to live according to the flesh, which leads to death (12)
• We may put to death the deeds of the body by the Spirit, and live (13)
• We are sons of God (14)
• We have received a spirit of adoption as sons, by which we may call, "Abba! Father!" (15)
• The Spirit confirms with our spirit that we are children of God, and thus heirs with Christ (16)
• Our sufferings with Christ confirm that we will also be glorified with Christ (17)
• Great glory will be revealed to us (18)
• We eagerly wait for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our body (23)
• We are saved in hope, knowing that we will see the full reality one day (24-25)
• The Spirit helps us and intercedes for us (26)
• God causes everything to work together for our good, to conform us to Christ's likeness (28-29)
• We are predestined, called, justified, and glorified (30)
• God is for us (31)
• God justifies us (33)
• Christ intercedes for us (34)
• Suffering cannot thwart Christ's love for us (36)
• We overwhelmingly conquer through Christ (37)
• We are utterly inseparable from God's love in Christ, now and forever (38-39)

My Best Birthday Gift

Flashback to September. Birthday wishes and kindnesses were very sweet.

But my best birthday gift came two days before my birthday, when (honestly, to my surprise) an efficient technician zoomed in the ultrasound view and detected a precious little heartbeat still fluttering away inside.

* * *

After our miscarriage in June, we were thrilled, elated, delighted, overjoyed, grateful, amazed, and humbled to find ourselves pregnant in August. Again, I suspected right away that something was stirring, but it was a gut-wrenching day-by-day wait, peppered with frequent alarm that the movement had stopped, that I would lose this little one again before we even began to know him.

Finally, a positive pregnancy test. I started feeling gross a week later. And almost three weeks later, an ultrasound, which (somewhat to my dismay) showed that I was not yet even 6 weeks pregnant. But, there was a tiny slow heartbeat, barely detectable.

Both my little boys' pregnancies were survived on Zofran, right up to heading to the hospital. So I waited nervously for the "gross" to turn to "incapacitating" ... but it stayed at just a low-grade gross, according to my earnest prayers for the past many months that God might allow me to come through this pregnancy without such intense sickness.

Day by day slowly passed. (It felt like I spent this whole summer waiting for 6-weeks-pregnant to arrive.) The daily grossness was a reassuring reminder of the reality inside.

And then Tuesday night, in the middle of dinner with company.
Blood.

A flood of memories. Reliving the painful days of June in an instant.

After we said our good-byes to our guest, I just sank into our big blue chair, too drained to move. A call to the ob office.  

Rest tonight, and come in for an ultrasound tomorrow, she said. It may not be another miscarriage.

It was a night-long wrestling match between prayers, fears, threads of hope, and the crushing reality that always, always before, blood means no baby.



I called the office twice at 8:00am, and finally at 8:01am they turned off their answering service and I could at least wait on hold. The nurse couldn't find an opening for an ultrasound and needed to call back after she talked to the techs.

I texted family and the friends who already knew about the baby and waited. An 11:00am ultrasound appointment.

I arrived 10 min early and sat in a full waiting room. Minutes passed, and the room emptied little by little. It was perhaps the longest, hardest, loneliest wait I've had in a doctor's office.

And I dreaded hearing my name called. Dreaded the finality of seeing on the screen a still small body, absent of life.

Psalm 121.
Psalm 34.
Psalm 96.
Isaiah 41:10
Jeremiah 29:11
Fragments of verses and prayers and songs.

I was starting to feel woozy, my half bagel for breakfast too long past. Do you have any crackers? I asked the receptionist. I'm feeling light-headed. 

A few saltines later I felt better and ready to face the next step. Even if today is a sad day, I believe there will be happy days ahead. This is not the end of the story.

11:30am.
11:40am.

"Amy," at last the white-clad technician came for me. She did not smile or make small talk. "So, when did the bleeding start?"

"Last night."

I took a deep breath, looking at the large blank screen facing the reclining table, the screen which would soon reveal ... life or death. 

She didn't speak as she began the scan. I watched the screen, trying to pick out a little dark mass which would be our baby.


There it is. 
So still. 
There should be movement, should be a little flutter there.

My heart sank. So still.
No movement.
No movement.

Then she adjusted her instruments, zoomed in on the little mass. And like a miracle, I thought I saw something move.

She adjusted again. And there, as beautiful a sight as I have ever seen, was a quick, rhythmic flutter.

She measured the little peaks and valleys.
167 beats per minute.

My eyes full of tears, my heart full of gratitude.
167 beats per minute.

 * * *

And that, as I knew with greatest certainty, was all the birthday gift I could ask for.



 

Announcements, announcements

The Katterson boys wanted to share some news.

Praising God for another precious gift, joining the Katterson family (Lord willing) in April 2016.

Weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes with the morning (Ps. 30:5).

The Grace of the Lord Jesus Christ

For several months I have been picking my way through Philippians. Today I'm at the very last verse:

The grace of the Lord Jesus Christ be with your spirit. (Phil. 4:23)

"The grace of the Lord Jesus Christ."

What is this grace?

I would say it is the grace He purchased dying on the cross for us.

We deserved hell, and the only way God could give us anything better and still be a just God is if the punishment were taken by a perfect substitute.

There was certainly no perfect substitute in this world. Just a planet full of deceivers, self-centered cravers, haters, and comfort worshipers.

So God sent God into the world, His Son, a little, helpless, bloody baby. He didn't get the welcome He deserved. He got the welcome typical of a bunch of self-centered haters and idolaters.

He lived 33 years, not easy years.

For He grew up before Him like a tender shoot, and like a root out of parched ground; He has no stately form or majesty that we should look upon Him, nor appearance that we should be attracted to Him. (Is. 53:2).

He did not catch our eye, since He did not have good looks, a winsome way of spinning popular opinion, or a magnetizing persona. He had God's own perfection--which we found unimpressive and non-compelling.

He was despised and forsaken of men, a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief, and like one from whom men hide their face, He was despised, and we did not esteem Him. (Is 53:3)

We esteem the charmed life. We love to look at--and covet--those whose fortunes fall to them sweetly. We'd prefer to ignore a tragic story, lest it be contagious and we catch it. If we do notice, we offer one diagnosis: he got what he deserved.

Surely our griefs He Himself bore, and our sorrows He carried. Yet we ourselves esteemed Him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted (Is. 53:4).

Truth be told, He got what we deserved. He joined our broken world and absorbed in Himself all the shards of pain and punishment that should have sliced through us.

But He was pierced through for our transgressions, He was crushed for our iniquities; the chastening for our well-being fell upon Him, and by His wounds we are healed. All of us like sheep have gone astray, but the LORD has caused the iniquity of us all to fall on Him. (Is. 53:5-6)

What a staggering cost for this grace. What an immeasurable purchase.

At the cross, the written record of our debts against a holy God were pinned on Jesus.

And at the resurrection, God blazened "Paid in Full" across that note.

Then the second half of grace comes in.

Where God looks at us cloaked in the cape of Christ's own goodness.

His charity.
His patience.
His zeal for God's name.
His tenderness to the needy.
His gladness.
His humble service.
His loyalty to the Father.
His self-forgetfulness.
His quiet receiving of God's will.
His ceaseless prayer.
His true care for others.
His peace.
His faithfulness.
His self-control.
His tremendous courage.

Applied to us in Christ.

And we are accepted, welcomed in, adopted, granted full access to the throne.

Never treated as we deserve ever again.

Destined for a future of God's matchless power bent toward us for our good, in a demonstration of His glory.

...so that in the ages to come He might show the surpassing riches of His grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. (Eph. 2:7)

This is a mighty grace.

And for those in the Lord Jesus Christ, it is with us, to our very heart of hearts.

The grace of the Lord Jesus Christ be with your spirit. (Phil. 4:23).

Amen.

To Live For Another

I've been having a neighborhood Bible study with a couple ladies for the past month. Getting ready for tomorrow night's study, this verse popped out at me:

And He died for all, so that they who live might no longer live for themselves, but for Him who died and rose again on their behalf (2 Corinthians 5:15).

 Not living for myself. It's almost laughable how far short I routinely fall from that great call, but what a liberating purpose of Christ's death.

If I'm not living for myself, I don't have to self-protect and try to preserve peoples' good impressions with false piety.

If I'm not living for myself, I don't have to excessively feed insatiable cravings ... whether for sleep, dessert, approval, efficiency, or comfort.

If I'm not living for myself, it's okay when my agenda gets scrambled by sick kids, unexpected company, toddler temper tantrums, and computer malfunctions. Interruptions don't have to ruin my day.

If I'm not living for myself, I need not fear the unexpected. If I have an open hand to receive what God sees good to give me, then I am in a very safe place. With a good Shepherd and kind Father tending my needs, even when I don't understand how it all works out for good.

If I'm not living for myself, my sins and failures will humble me and press me back to dependence on Jesus. I won't resist the conviction of the Holy Spirit and refuse to acknowledge when I've veered off His way and need to turn back to Him.

If I'm not living for myself, I won't end my days with hopeless regret and remorse. I will be spared such sorrow and bondage. I will taste hope and see those sweet every-morning mercies from the One who proved by laying down His own life that He will spare no expense for my good.

Ah, Lord, I've such a long way to go. But help me to come a step closer to consistently living for You.

Grace

Dear Victor,

These past few days have been so sweet. I couldn't say exactly what the change is, but you have been full of grace.

When Josiah was crying, you prayed for him, "Dear Father, please help Josiah. Please give him peace."

When we were in a store, and you were touching candy bars at the checkout, I told you that you needed to stop. I needed to tell you twice. Then you said, "I'm sorry, Mommy. I'm sorry, Mommy." Actually, I think that has been the pattern, probably a dozen times in these past days when I've needed to correct you. The kindness of the Lord leads us to repentance. It is a lovely thing.

When you and Daddy were reading in The Dangerous Journey and you got to the part where Christian's burden rolled off at the cross, you said, "Thank You, Jesus!"

Last night, when you had a bad dream, you called out for me, and when I came in, you said, "Will you pray? Will you pray?"

After supper tonight, when we all got to eat out at a sandwich shop, you said, "It is good to be all together with my family!"

I was doing something goofy that made you laugh, and you looked at me and said, "I love love love love love you!"

After we sang On Christ the Solid Rock I Stand, when we were talking about the song, you said, "Jesus covers over our sin."

I don't want to read into these sweet, simple little things ... but neither do I want to rule out the possibility that God is working a great work of grace in your heart, just as we've been praying.

Love you, my son.

A Decade

Celebrated my 10-year anniversary working at Bethlehem today.

My goodness.

Ten years ago, freshly graduated from college, I was elated to get the message on my answering machine asking if I'd be interested in a part-time job.

Ten years. Seven bosses (give or take). Three campuses. A husband and two boys.

And more gifts of grace than I can count, traced back through this work.

So thankful.

Lo, I Come

Read this in 365 days with Spurgeon Vol. 6 this morning (it's yesterday's text):

Mr. Moody tells a story, which I would fain hope may be true; for one would like to hear something good about a Czar of Russia, and especially about our once enemy, the Emperor Nicholas. The story concerns a soldier in the barracks who was much distressed by his heavy debts.

He was in despair, for he owed a great deal of money, and could not tell where to get it. He took a piece of paper, and made a list of his debts, and underneath the list he wrote, "Who will pay these debts?" He then lay down on the barrack bed, and fell asleep, with the paper before him. The Emperor of Russia passed by, and, taking up the paper, read it, and being in a gracious mood signed at the bottom, "NICHOLAS."

Was not that a splendid answer to the question? When the soldier woke up and read it, he could scarcely believe his own eyes. "Who will pay these debts?" was the despairing question. "Nicholas" was the all-sufficient answer. So are we answered, Who will bear our sins? The grand reply is "JESUS." He puts his own name to our liabilities, and in effect, that he may meet them, he says, "Lo, I come."

Your debt of sin is discharged when you believe in Christ Jesus. "Without shedding of blood is no remission;" but the blood of Jesus Christ, God's dear Son, cleanseth us from all sin. You are not now to bear your own sins. Behold the scape-goat, who carries them away into the wilderness! Yea, Jesus says, "Lo, I come!" He takes our sins upon himself, he bears their penalty, and we go free. Blessed word—"Lo, I come": I come to take your weight of sin, your burden of punishment. I come to be made a curse for you, that you may be made the righteousness of God in me.

Sinner, stand out of the way, and let Jesus appear for you, and fill your place! He sets you on one side, and then he sets himself where you have been. Jesus is now the one pillar on which to lean, the one foundation on which to build, the one and only rest of our weary souls.

Isn't that a good thought with which to start the day?

The whole sermon is available here.

Family Pics

You know that song "Butterfly Kisses," with the line ... I must've done something right to deserve a hug every morning and butterfly kisses at night.  

Well, just a cursory glance through these pictures is proof of quite the opposite.

We didn't do anything to deserve this.

But our lives are so full of the sweet mercies of Jesus, to be lavished with such a wealth of smiles and snuggles and ducky hugs and giggles.

Marvelous grace of our loving Lord,
Grace that exceeds our sin and our guilt!
Yonder on Calvary’s mount outpoured,
There where the blood of the Lamb was spilled.

 Sin and despair, like the sea waves cold,
Threaten the soul with infinite loss;
Grace that is greater, yes, grace untold,
Points to the refuge, the mighty cross.

 Dark is the stain that we cannot hide.
What can avail to wash it away?
Look! There is flowing a crimson tide,
Brighter than snow you may be today.

Marvelous, infinite, matchless grace,
Freely bestowed on all who believe!
You that are longing to see His face,
Will you this moment His grace receive?

HUGE thanks to Lawrence Chui for capturing these sweet moments!