Dangers of Discipline, Part 2

Continued thoughts...

4. Shame

We have probably all been in a situation before where someone (stranger or friend) reamed out their child in front of a crowd.  Maybe it was thoughtlessly done, or maybe it was an intentional tactic to try to change the child's behavior, but whatever the case, dishonoring or shaming a child is a danger in discipline.

Sometimes we can do the right thing (in addressing wrong or foolish behavior) the wrong way, in the wrong tone, or at the wrong time. 

The Bible talks about the pain of dishonor.  Even in a situation where the psalmist confesses sin and folly before the Lord (Psalm 69:5), he still asks for relief and comfort from being shamed and dishonored (69:19-20).

So it seems significant that we as parents seek to discipline and correct in a way that does not wrongly embarrass or dishonor our children.  Perhaps some insight for a careful approach comes from Matthew 18:15, If your brother [child] sins, go and show him his fault in private; if he listens to you, you have won your brother [child].

5. Legalism

Legalism tempts us to see our own good efforts as a tool in gaining ground with God.  

It is a real and present danger, in training our children, that they may get the impression that their following our rules and complying with our desires actually earns them brownie points or good standing with God.

We need to be careful even in how we praise obedience or good behavior.  I certainly know that as a mother, it makes my life easier when my son is listening and obeying right away.  I feel proud, thankful, and encouraged.  That's fine.  But what a danger, if I am lulled into a false sense of security and contentedness because I have a compliant child.

Galatians 3:11-14 says, Now that no one is justified by the Law before God is evident, for, "The righteous man shall live by faith." However, the Law is not of faith; on the contrary, "He who practices them shall live by them."  Christ redeemed us from the curse of the Law, having become a curse for us... so that we would receive the promise of the Spirit through faith.

The gospel says that we don't and can't earn points with God from our good efforts.  (They are filthy rags.)  But Christ came and lived in such perfection that He satisfied the call of the Law.  And if we trust in Him, then our guilt was put on His head and punished at the cross, and his perfect record is put on us, and we are called righteous before God.

That is what we want to set before our children, again and again.

6. Fear of man

Maybe this is an especially strong danger in church.  When we feel that our skill, wisdom, and expertise in parenting is some kind of record we need to keep up, fear of man can become the ruling factor in our response to any form of imperfection in our children.

What emotions stir when your child starts making noise in the middle of a church service?  Is your response different when disobedience occurs in front of people, rather than in private?  How much of your discipline is motivated by what people will think?

Fear of man--which is really another form of pride--is a very frequent temptation for me, so it takes a lot of prayer and dependence on the Holy Spirit to keep my perspective focused on truth, and my desire centered on pleasing just the audience of One who really matters.

Stop regarding man, whose breath of life is in his nostrils; for why should he be esteemed?--Isaiah 2:22

To be continued...