The Right to Choose

The right to choose is a real a weighty thing.

I choose what I do with my body. That is a great and valuable entrustment.

What difference do those choices make?

There are huge and far-reaching effects.

If I choose to act in compassion, considering others' interests and not just my own, the effects of my choice will be significant. Others will be changed in response to my choice.

If I choose to act in anger, selfishness, or pride, there are consequences to those choices as well. Though I have the right to choose, I cannot manage or control all the results of that choice. There are many factors outside of my control. In addition, the choices I make shape the course of my life and the direction of others. The choices I make matter.

If I choose to harm others with my body, that choice bears fruit. If I should choose to harm my 7-year-old, it would be a terrible and culpable decision. He has certain rights, because he is made in God's image and his body is not my own. Where my choices impact others, there is more to consider than just my own rights.

I also have a 10-month-old baby. He is much smaller than my 7-year-old. He is much more dependent. In fact, he depends on me for nearly all of his care. He doesn't contribute very much to our household, from the standpoint of utilitarian value. His presence impacts my own responsibilities in great ways. It is possible that my own health or sleep or employment may be affected because of the interconnected bonds of our lives. That impact does not mean that his body is under my jurisdiction, that I may do to it what I please. To assert such, to misuse his body in any way, is called abuse, and it is a horrifying reality. That I am stronger than he, more capable than he, more productive than he does not give me permission to use my body to harm him without repercussion.

Slightly more than 10 months ago, my baby was within me. His DNA was the same as it is now. His precious little nose had the same shape. His tiny fingers (already chubby!) had their own unique fingerprint. His little heels jabbed me in the ribs, quite aside from any impulse or effort of my own body.

About 8 months and 8 days earlier than that, his heart was already beating on its own.

Let us not imagine that the decisions I made with my body, the choices I had and have the right to make, were less significant in their consequences on his body than they are now. Nor, in the sight of God, do those decisions have any less weight of responsibility.

That may seem quite a burden. Who of us has perfectly stewarded the right to choose without error? Some have made choices that ended the lives of others. Maybe the others were very tiny and still within their body. Maybe the others were living independently. Some have made choices that did not harm the physical lives of others but harbored anger and hatred for them internally. In a crushing insight, God has said that the heart reality behind anger is the same as behind murder (Matthew 5:21-22). I am guilty. And the hard truth is that my guilt has earned me a consequence. Before a holy God, I have earned death (Romans 6:23).

But this grim, sweeping sentence is not the end of the story. In a shocking move, the Righteous Judge, God Himself, made a choice. He chose to send His only Son, the beloved Son, sent as a helpless baby into His own creation. He lived perfectly but was betrayed. He was judged innocent (John 19:4), yet handed over to death. He could have been delivered (Matthew 26:53), but He chose to give His life. And like a divine exclamation point, God raised Him from the dead to show that the exchange was complete, that the way was opened for us to be made right with God, to receive by faith the perfect record of the Son and by His death the penalty for our sin be paid (2 Corinthians 5:21).

Easter morning dawns tomorrow, reminding us of this cosmic invitation, to trust in One who chose not to be served but to serve and give His life as a ransom for many. I pray you find eternal joy and comfort in Him, whatever choices you have made before. He is worthy.



 

He Is Worthy

A real Friday. A terrible pain.

The day when the Lamb of the world was slain,

When the Light was crushed, whom the Father gave,

The Lord of life put into a grave.

The day toward which our hopes were bent.

The day for which the Son was sent.

A day of infamy, cruelty, death,

He uttered a cry and gave His last breath.

He is worthy.

10 Months Old!

10 months old!

9 months old

8 months old

7 months old

6 months old

 
 5 months old

4 months old

3 months old

 2 months old

1 month old

2 weeks old

Dear Calvin,

Somehow we have passed another month already! Now it is April, the snow (from last week) is melting, and the world outside wants to introduce you to that glorious sensation of warmth called spring. What a lovely time!

Since last we checked:

- You have 6 big teeth in that cute little mouth of yours! The arrival of your 2 front teeth make you look like 1) quite a big man and 2) the spitting image of your Katterson brothers and cousins.

- I no longer prop a pillow behind you while you sit, but that doesn't mean you still don't throw yourself backwards more than occasionally. In addition, you like to reeeeeeach for toys out of grasp and flop onto your belly as well. You don't crawl, but you can kind of scooch in a sitting position to get where you want to go (quite a bit farther than I normally anticipate). You don't really care to be constrained by the exersaucer or jumperoo anymore. So limiting.

- You sleep! Having girded up my loins and made it through a few rough weeks, you now sleep pretty consistently from 7:15pm or 7:30pm to somewhere between 5am and 7am. Maybe you have a half feeding and go back to bed or maybe you make it to full wake-up time (anytime after 6:45am) and have a full breakfast. After a season of concerted effort at convincing you to take a bottle, you scream upon sight of one (at least for me). So we gave that up.

- You eat! Cereal, pears, peas, carrots, sweet potatoes, banana, applesauce, prunes (just a touch), squash, and so forth. You reeeally love your little half-Cheerios, though if given in too great a quantity (i.e. more than like 3 at a time), you'll kinda gag and puke all over. But it doesn't stop you from wanting more...

- I'm still trying to squeeze you into 12 month clothes, but it's real hard to zip.

- You get cranky around mealtimes, so I'll often put on some bopping music (for example, the Let's Go channel on Pandora), and you love to groove! It's most especially funny (to you) when Momma dances too.

- Josiah's playing peekaboo is h.i.l.a.r.i.o.u.s. You give him a belly laugh like nothing else, and it doesn't matter how long he keeps popping out from behind the refrigerator, you jump every time and laugh to beat the band!



We are in the midst of Holy Week, just three days until Easter. Each day your brothers and Daddy are going through the Resurrection eggs, little by little recalling the events that led up to Jesus' death, burial, and resurrection.

How purposeful He was. He would not be distracted from the mission of the Father. How humble He was, receiving the praise of children and the cries of the crowd as He entered Jerusalem, even knowing full well that they would reject Him, demand His death just a few days later. How loving He was, serving His disciples with symbolic bread and wine and giving them promises and hope to hang onto before they understood what a crucible was coming. How obedient He was, praying for the Father's will to be done, even as He bled out of His pores for the pain, the crushing horror of bearing His Father's wrath. How gentle He was, refusing to lash out at the weakness and injustice of Pilate, the abuse of the guards, the guilty insurrectionist released in His place. How holy He was, that He could become the perfect substitute, the perfect payment for my sin--and for yours, little son.

He made Him who knew no sin to be sin on our behalf, so that we might become the righteousness of God in Him. (2 Corinthians 5:21)

This is the good news. This is the breath-stealing trade offered to anyone who will put off the insane craving to prove our own worth before God and receive the gift of the credit of Christ's righteousness instead.

I love this season of the year, when all the bleakness outside starts to hint again at life and growth and the miracle of spring. It is a picture of what God does inside to those who trust in Jesus--where everything was dead, ugly, sick, and wrong, He gives new life and forever hope. How we pray, my Calvin, that you will come to worship and trust in Jesus as all you ever need. He is so good! And He is risen, He is risen indeed!

I love you, Calvin David,
Momma

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A Few of My Favorite Things

To Ben, a day late, some of my favorite things about you, for your birthday...

• You're enthusiastic about what I cook. This is especially appreciated when all the boys squirm and try to fidget their way out of eating the special new dishes... 
• Your capacity for enjoyment is the highest of anyone I know. You love... everything. Except for chewy granola bars and cooked squash.
• You seek God in His Word, in prayer, in relationships with others in the body of Christ. You make it possible for me to get daily quiet time with God too. You make space for my heart to stay healthy. I am truly rich with this.
• You lean into the difficult things for God's kingdom and righteousness. 
• You are receptive to my feedback and let me pushback or wrestle through things with you.
• You play with our boys, read to them, sing to them, run with them, take them to the grocery store (you ninja), and in general bear the delightful load of parenting them.
• You are working hard to appropriate God's grace in ways that are not the easiest or most natural to you. Administration, vision, leadership... I see the growth, and others see it too.
• You still like sitting next to me on the couch for that brief time post-boys' bedtime and pre-our own to talk about the day.  

Well, gotta get back to those little boys, so it is just a few. But I do love you!

5 Years Old!

5 years old!

(4 year blue chair picture ???)

3 years old

2 1/2 years old

2 years old

18 months old

1 year old

11 months old

10 months old

9 months old

 8 months old

7 months old

6 months old

5 months old

4 months old

3 months old

2 months old

1 month old

2 weeks old

Dear Josiah,

You are 5 years old! Just doesn’t seem possible that you’re such a big boy, with such long legs and big muscles, but there you have it!

You have a great sense of humor. I love how you laugh gleefully at jokes and come up with your own funny versions. You can be quite a teaser, and you have a beautiful, joyful smile.

I love to see your tender, compassionate heart, especially with your baby brother. If Calvin is fussy or bored, you are so patient and kind to bring him toys, smile or make faces at him, and generally anything that will cheer him up. You’re very good at it too!

You are a sweet and thoughtful friend to others as well. Our first year at our homeschool co-op has brought more than one comment about your kind heart among the other children in your class. You are sometimes shy in unfamiliar settings, but I am so happy to see you expressing care and thoughtfulness toward others. God has answered my prayers to bring you boys some very special friends, and I pray that you’ll have many years growing as “iron sharpening iron” together with them.

You love to run and play and imagine. You’re a wonderful super hero! And you are always sure to check with me, “Do you need any saving?” I feel so secure with you around!

Favorite quote of the year: "It's okay, Mom, you don't have to clean up when there's big kids like us around. And strong ones." Love you for that, my son!

You are learning and growing in school as well. This year we’ve been doing “workbook” time together, learning to read. You are doing so great! I am proud of you for persevering and using that good mind that God gave you.

I love to see the thoughtfulness that you give to our Bible stories and memory verses. You are tender to correction and quick to apologize and make things right with your brothers. You have a merciful and gentle spirit that encourage me as they reflect the mercy of God. I pray that you continue to grow in understanding the truth of God’s Word, seeking the know and walk close to Jesus, and finding your greatest hope in Him.  

My special verse for you is this:

For the eyes of the LORD move to and fro throughout the earth, that He may strongly support those whose heart is completely His.—2 Chronicles 16:9a

I have been studying and reflecting on the death of Jesus lately, and one of the deep implications is that because Jesus willingly gave Himself to bear the wrath of God in our place, we have a way to come to God, to find favor and forgiveness with Him, and to belong to Him always. That is our greatest prayer and desire for you. May you have a heart that is completely His and follow joyfully in the path He puts before you.

You are a blessing and joy to us, and we love you to pieces!

Momma

Josiah (3.31.19) 5 years old

1.      What is your favorite color? green

2.      What is your favorite toy? Bouncy the Bunny

3.      What is your favorite fruit? apple

4.      What is your favorite video to watch? Wild Kratts

5.      What is your favorite thing to eat for lunch? Hot dogs

6.      What is your favorite thing to wear? pajamas

7.      What is your favorite game? tag

8.      What is your favorite snack? crackers

9.      What is your favorite animal? cheetah

10.   What is your favorite song? God Is So Good

11.   What is your favorite verse? Psalm 23

12.   What is your favorite book? Clifford

13.   Who is your best friend? Benaiah

14.   What is your favorite thing to do outside? Play tag

15.   What is your favorite drink? Apple juice

16.   What do you like to sleep with at night? My stuffies (bear and bunny)

17.   What is your favorite thing to eat for breakfast? Cinnamon rolls

18.   What do you want for dinner on your birthday? Pizza

19.   What do you want to be when you grow up? An artist or detective

20.   What was one of your favorite things that you did this year? Going to Grammy and Grandad’s house

21.   Where is your favorite place to go? To Iowa

9 Months Old!

9 months old!

8 months old

7 months old

6 months old

 
 5 months old

4 months old

3 months old

 2 months old

1 month old

2 weeks old

Dear Calvin,

You have officially spent more time in our arms than in percolating in my belly, big man! Another month has gone by in a blink (well, except for the agonizing week or two of influenza that all you boys muddled through).

In news of late:

- You have increasing quantities of cute hair that sticks straight up on top now! Still mostly bald, but it's nice to see that at least the top of your head is beginning to get a little insulation.

- You are increasingly comfortable sitting up, rolling, hanging out on your tummy, and bouncing around in the doorway jumperoo. When Momma hurt my back this month, we spent large quantities of time just playing on the floor (because I couldn't pick you up), which was probably good for your oblique muscle development and such. We may have backslid slightly during the influenza stretch, since you pretty much just wanted to be held constantly. We'll call you back to a good middle range now...

- Our nights, of course, got all out of whack with the flu. I just fed you whenever you woke up, tried to keep ibuprofen in you (you HATED taking medicine, and it was a blessed mercy to find concentrated ibuprofen drops that only required 1.875 mL every 8 hours, compared to trying to get 5mL of acetaminophen down you every 4 hours... which you frequently gagged on and puked back up). Thank You, Jesus, for being healthy and well again! You're back to once-a-night feedings, but this is the big milestone. Barring weakness of character (Mom's, that is), we will graduate from night-time feedings now!

- You're tucking away substantial portions of baby food. Carrots, squash, pears, and peas all go down pretty well. Green beans, not a fave.

- You've got a mouthful of teeth! The arrival of these coincided unfortunately with the flu, so you just suffered through a lot those past weeks, but now you have at least 2 teeth on top and 2 on the bottom, and I think there are more in or on the way, but your lips were so slimy with drool that I couldn't pull them back to examine your gums at the last attempt. [Late breaking news: Top front tooth popped through this week too.]

- The 12 month clothes are none too big. You've outgrown all your "baby" sleepsacks and now have to use the toddler-sized ones.


This morning I was teaching through John 18. One by one, the story reveals the weakness and brokenness of every human heart. Judas betrays. Peter denies. The high priest accuses. Pilate bargains. The crowd exchanges. Only Jesus stands alone, perfect, courageous, righteous, gentle. The people chose to liberate a criminal and leave Jesus in the place of the guilty. And Jesus, willingly following the Father's plan, goes to death in our place.

Yet it was the will of the LORD to crush him; he has put him to grief;
when his soul makes an offering for guilt, he shall see his offspring; he shall prolong his days; the will of the LORD shall prosper in his hand. Out of the anguish of his soul he shall see and be satisfied; by his knowledge shall the righteous one, my servant, make many to be accounted righteous, and he shall bear their iniquities. (Isaiah 53:10-11)

What a gift, that Jesus would take our place, drinking the cup of God's wrath that we deserve. I pray, little son, that you will see Him as the one perfect payment for your sin and receive, in Him, pardon, life, and joy forever.

I love you, Calvin,
Momma

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8 Months!

8 months old!

7 months old

6 months old

 
 5 months old

4 months old

3 months old

 2 months old

1 month old

2 weeks old

Dear Calvin,

Big man! You are growing like a weed and a pretty charming little fellow. Big news of late includes:


- You graduated from your helmet! Actually, we "graduated you" because there was a nagging sore on the back of your head that just didn't want to heal fully. But I think your head is beautiful, and it's so nice being able to kiss your forehead again.

- You graduated from physical therapy! You now roll both directions, sit up fairly sturdily (albeit you throw yourself backwards regularly still), and are in the normal range for your age. Well, we think you're exceptional ...

- Still not always fabulous at nights, but normally you'll eat in the 1-3am range and then make it til morningish time. I don't really have a strategy for this anymore. I'm bracing myself for hitting 9 months and stopping the middle of the night feedings altogether. Please don't scream for hours, okay?


- You like carrots and sometimes oatmeal cereal. You don't really care for sitting in your booster seat. I normally give you solid food twice a day, but it's still a pretty minor piece of your nutritional intake.

- You have a tooth! Popped through on the bottom a couple days ago.

- Dad popped you in the bounceroo that hangs from a doorway, and you were a fan! Your big brothers continue to entertain you and bring you toys, and when you sleep well you are so charming and cheerful. When you don't sleep well, you are a cranky pants, but that is true of me as well.

- You're wearing 12 month clothes! You look like such a big boy in those outfits. Reminds me how fast time flies.

John 13 was a passage I taught on this week, and it is so rich in truths for us to hang our hats on. Jesus washes His disciples' feet, and Peter revolts at the notion. In response, Jesus says something so important: "If I do not wash you, you have no share with Me." The sovereign glorious King of the universe set aside His glory and came to earth not to offer inspirational counsel or rally us to greater success but to ransom us from our sin.

Isaiah 64:6 puts it like this: “We have all become like one who is unclean, and all our righteous deeds are like a polluted garment.” We can’t trade places with Jesus, tell Him to sit back and let us do the scrubbing, because the stain of sin in our hearts does not only taint our worst possible moments—it pollutes even our very most righteous deeds.

Little Calvin, you are a precious child, but nevertheless there lurks already in your heart the brokenness of sin that you are unable to fix on your own. How we pray for you, that you will look to Jesus, our Passover Lamb, the one who laid down His life for His sheep, and find in Him the cleansing we all so desperately need. He has done it all for us, if we will turn to Him and believe.


I love you, little man,
Momma

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