Breastfeeding

Disclaimer: Male readers who are uncomfortable reading about this subject may feel free to skip this post. But I promise there isn’t anything inappropriate.



There have definitely been some challenges in the realm of breastfeeding Victor.

Perhaps the majority of the totally-life-transforming changes coming with our baby have been related to this particular aspect, including, but not limited to:

• Leaking milk
• Disregard for modesty with sundry hospital personnel
• Engorgement
• Breast shields
• Mastitis
• Embarrassing moments in restaurants
• Blisters
• 100% responsibility for middle of the night feedings
• Pumping
• Wardrobe limitations
• Ordering my entire life around the feeding schedule

I will not deny that there have been a time or two when I thought (mostly in the middle of the night) that sending Ben off with a bottle of formula seemed like a really good idea (we’re still in the “make sure Victor gets well-established in nursing” phase, so no bottles for him yet).

However…

Breastfeeding has had some of the sweetest benefits as well, for example:

First-hand experience of one of the most amazing, miraculous physical processes I’ve ever seen. Who would have dreamed up a feeding system like this? Fully assembled before ever needed, a complex delivery system with no additional attachments required, remarkably sanitary, full of nutritional powerhouses, production on demand (with very little waste), adjusting to the health needs of my baby, all triggered by internal signals at the appropriate time, without any human intervention. God is awesome.



Sweet, sweet snuggle time. Sometimes at 3am, when Victor is asleep on my shoulder, supposedly burping, I just can’t put him right back into bed. His arm is draped over my shoulder, his head nestled in the crook of my neck, smelling like milk and soft baby, making little contented squeaks with every breath. I just hold him close and rock him, thinking how soon he’ll probably be sleeping through the night, too big to fit perfectly in one arm. Those moments are a gift I hope not to miss.



Breastfeeding has been the source of ample inconvenience, discomfort, and adjustment. But I thank God for such an incredible provision… for the good of my little boy, and for his momma.

Happy Times Are Here Again

The two loves of my life, thrilled to be together...

Arms Aloft

One of Victor's signature preferences is having his arms above his head. I love those little fists, raised in a victory salute (or some other fabulous pose).

My little man...















And from last night...

Shadows of Mercies

To curb my task-oriented nature and keep a right focus, I've been trying to take the first few minutes after Victor goes down for his nap to quiet my heart and pray.

Generally, I read the day's entry from Spurgeon's Morning & Evening (which is phenomenal) and then journal a prayer, for Victor, related to the reading. So encouraging.

Sunday's entry (February 19) fit hand in hand with our current sermon series on prayer.

Bottom line: Prayer is the forerunner of mercy. God delights to answer prayer. When He plants in our heart a desire to pray, it is because He has some good in store.

As Spurgeon says:

"Prayer is always the preface to blessing. It goes before the blessing as the blessing's shadow. When the sunlight of God's mercies rises upon our necessities, it casts the shadow of prayer far down upon the plain. Or, to use another illustration, when God piles up a hill of mercies, He Himself shines behind them, and He casts on our spirits the shadow of prayer, so that we may rest confident, if we are much in prayer, that our pleadings are the shadows of mercy."

Out of Commission

I'm kind of a task-oriented person, and sometimes the Lord determines I need to be totally unplugged for a season.

That was how the past week went.

First, we had no internet at home.
Then, my computer went on the fritz (so even though we had internet, I couldn't connect).
Then, I got mastitis.

It's a good reminder that I'm not that indispensable to the world at large, and sometimes I need to buckle down and do the unglamorous work of mopping my kitchen floor and cleaning the bathroom.

(All three of those items are still in the process of being resolved, so if it comes to mind, I'd appreciate prayer!)

Now, let me try to get those videos posted again... (Sorry for the technical difficulties on the last post.)



Victor really loves watching his mobile (at least in his happy times he does). And the song you hear is one that now plays in my dreams...



And here is a bonus video:

I believe Victor takes after cousin Hudson, because he gets really, really happy when his legs are unencumbered... I missed the crazy kicking spell, but you can still see the happy (and those cute chubby legs).

Smiles, Stretches, Squeaks, and Spits

For the average person, neither of these videos would be particularly interesting. But if you're related to this little fellow (or have a fascination with the ordinary lives of babies), you might find it kind of cute to see him smiling, stretching, and squeaking.

Happy time right after eating...



Victor really likes his mobile in his crib...

Sermon Application

Last night around 8:45pm, Ben called home. He was done with class (good news) and had just realized that the backpack pocket where he carried his wallet was totally unzipped ... and no wallet was inside (bad news). He had walked all the way to class from his street parking, through Loring Park.

The situation was bleak.

He told me he'd call again in a few minutes when he got to the car and let me know if the wallet was on the floor there.

My initial emotions were not sanctified.

Frustration (I'm tired and don't want to deal with this).
Irritation (why didn't you zip your pocket?).
Anxiety (what all was in your wallet?).
Despondency (I know God CAN let it turn up, I just doubt He will.)

I shot off an email asking for prayer to some family and friends.

While I fretted and waited for his call, I happened to see my previous blog post "Smiles." Reading it, I was convicted at my own limp faith. Surely now was the very time that God was calling me to rise up in confidence in His good intentions.

That brought to mind our sermon on Sunday, titled, "If God Knows Everything and Has Planned Everything, Why Pray?"

The message was a stirring call to ask God's help, knowing that He has ordained prayer as a means to the end of His good purposes being fulfilled.

So I prayed again (with a little less angst).

The wallet wasn't in the car.

To make a somewhat longer story short, Ben called the bank to cancel credit and debit cards, called the church (because his wallet also had a church credit card in it), and filed an online police report.

We got to bed late, and when I was up for the middle-of-the-night feedings, I had to fight back anxiety again.

This morning, when Ben checked his messages, Dunn Bros Coffee had called, saying that his wallet had been found!

We retrieved it this afternoon (intact minus cash).

But maybe more significant, God gave me a heart change last night--I didn't glare and gripe at Ben when he got home. I didn't fester in worry. Even knowing the cash (of unknown amount) was taken, I feel content.

God reminded me that He is trustworthy. The truths that I rehearse about His character are not just theoretical, they are more real than anything else in the world. And when He invites us to cast our cares on Him because He cares for us, He means it.

[P.S. It's a wonderful sermon; give it a listen:

http://www.hopeingod.org/sermon/if-god-knows-everything-and-has-planned-everything-why-pray.

Sorry it won't let me insert a hyperlink for some reason...]

Smiles

Virtually my whole life I have known that God loves me. He is working for good in my life. I can trust Him even when I don't understand.



But having a baby has given me a new perspective on love. I love Victor so much my heart aches with it sometimes. I'm fumbling my way into the rhythm of motherhood (unlike God, who makes no mistakes), but there is nothing I want more than for him to thrive in every way. I love, love, love to see his sweet, chubby face smiling up at me.



Often, when getting strapped into his car seat or going down for a nap, Victor will wail and cry (and we haven't even reached the start of vaccinations yet), and I long with all my heart that he would trust that I am working for his good. I don't put him through pain or discomfort without caring. I hurt when he hurts. I would suffer in his place if I could.

And all that is just a tiny sliver of who God is and what He has done for me.

Supremely, He loves with the best kind of love, even when it hurts. Astonishingly, He already did take my greatest suffering and dealt it on His Son in my place. Unceasingly, He gives me what is good, even when I don't understand.

How I want my Victor to trust the good will that his parents have toward him, to know that we want his best and love him with all our hearts. And infinitely more, I want him to lean on Jesus for all he needs and throw his whole life and heart into the hands that were pierced so that he might be pardoned.

Cousins

Yesterday, Victor and I got to visit the Katterson cousins for Gwyn's 6th birthday party. It is so fun to see those little tykes so curious and interested in their new little cousin!



Over last weekend, Victor also got to meet cousin Hudson... who was likewise very curious (which made his mommy a little bit nervous for Victor's well-being)!





We skyped with the Laser cousins, and can't wait for them to meet him face-to-face too!







I am so glad these little ones get to grow up together!

Meeting the Family

I am so thankful for the family we have brought Victor into. Having grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins who love him and care about his life and faith is a remarkable gift.

Introducing him to the fam has been one of the best parts of having a baby so far.

1 Month Old

2 weeks old

1 month old

It's amazing to think that you have been here for a month now. In some ways, it feels so much longer. In some ways, I'm still looking around for your real mother to come and take you home.

We're learning more and more about you...

- You love having your hands up by your face and head. You strike the craziest poses sometimes, and the victory fist up in the air is the way you stretch to wake up pretty much every time.

- You like to take your mealtimes real leisurely. About 50 minutes, all told. On occasion, you have a near-death experience while eating, trying to breathe while you swallow and coming up spluttering for air. You had about 2 weeks of crazy spitting up, but now you're mostly keeping your tummy contents contained. With the great exception of last night... when you had a near-death experience (but kept gulping slightly too long) and emptied your entire belly onto yourself and me.

- You take after your father in making funny noises, especially while eating and sleeping.

- You mostly eat every 3 hours but are starting to give a few wonderful 4 or even 4 1/2 hour stretches at night. Makes me so proud.

- So far your primary outings have consisted of a few meals out to eat, some trips to the office, 4 Sundays at church, and some visits to friends' homes. You don't care for your car seat at all and normally start hollering while we strap you in (who can blame you?), but you settle pretty quickly. We had a rollicking time at a little Super Bowl party and have already made many friends at church.

- You are generally real smiley and perky after eating. It just tickles me to see you kick and wave and charm. Sometimes however, you are just a Grumpy Pants and not so thrilled about life.

Your daddy likes to call you Bert the Squirt and I generally call you Peanut, Sugar, or Dumpling.

And we love you more and more every day. Happy 1-Month, baby.

Photo Shoot

When Victor was 2 weeks old, a friend came down to do a little photo shoot for him. What a treat! (If you'd like to see more about her work, see Kelly Burson Photography on Facebook.)















You can see the rest of the photos here and here.