Life of Late

Our neighbor upstairs gave Victor a pair of sunglasses. His bib got spun around backwards and…ta-da! Superman! (Or as Daddy prefers, Captain Poopy-pants!)

His “I Love Mom” onesie (right before he had a blow-out and needed to be changed…)

Hanging out with Daddy

All tuckered out after an invigorating walk


Today Ben and Victor and I went to our first wedding as a full family. Victor did great. (Congratulations, Tyler and Kristen!)

Food, food, food

Today was a big day for our little fellow.



He took his first bottle. Daddy did a fine job administering the meal. :) (Victor ate it like a starving field hand...)

In fact, the little peanut ate significantly better for Dad than he has been for Momma.

This is a continued prayer request, actually.

At the last installment of the story, I was laying off dairy (this was 3 weeks ago), and I really feel like Victor has been eating quite a bit better since then. He has gotten up to his earlier norm of 10-30 min feedings on the first side, and the 2nd side has been hit and miss... Sometimes he'll eat good for another 5 min, and sometimes (maybe half the time) he will eat a few swallows, and swing his head around, eat a few swallows, and repeat.

I have been thinking it's a combination of being more aware of his surroundings now (and thus, easily distractable) and some kind of discomfort. Sometimes if I sit him up he will give me a good burp (and sometimes not)... but either way, it doesn't normally make a difference in his eating.

However, today he has been a little "off." My last feeding for him, he ate voraciously for 9 min on the first side... and then he was acting like before, when he was at his worst, on the 2nd side (stiffening his body, crying, wanting to eat but then pulling off, crying). I can't think of anything significant different in my diet, so I just don't know what to think about that.

So, once again, I'm asking God for help for my little guy.

You are he who took me from the womb; you made me trust you at my mother's breasts. On you was I cast from my birth, and from my mother's womb you have been my God. Be not far from me, for trouble is near.

Psalm 22:9-11a

Let Them Go

Spurgeon's Morning meditation on Monday (March 26) was beautiful.

"Jesus said unto them, If ye seek me, let these go their way." John 18:8

A summary of the gospel.

Jesus marches resolutely to death, into the clutches of all the rulers, the powers, the world forces of this darkness, the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places.

And He delivers His disciples (the weak, sleepy, frightened, conceited, and sinful bunch of them) from all harm.

He absorbs the blow. He shields His own.

Thank You, Jesus.

Saturday

This morning I left Ben with Victor for 2 hours! (I think that’s a record.)

I went to a donut shop and read my Bible and a little Spurgeon and journaled a bit.

[Aside: Definitely get the apple fritter at Donut Star. Fabulous.]

Then I went for a walk. It was lovely to stroll along, no baby carrier in tow, no multiple bags of miscellaneous paraphernalia (so odd that I used to do that all the time!).

It’s a cloudy, misty day, but not too cold. There were some beautiful trees blooming. Where are we, to have trees blooming in March?

But then I came home a half hour early because I missed my boys. :)

I love you, Ben and Victor. You make home home.

Dear Victor

I held you on my lap tonight, rocking in the glider. Your toes curled and stretched, peeking out from your fuzzy blue pants.

We sang "And Can It Be?"--well, I did. You sucked on your paci and looked around the room. Did you hear the words?

I always sing horribly when I start getting choked up. The line struck me, "Can it be that I should gain an interest in my Savior's blood? Died He for me, who caused His pain, for me, who Him to death pursued."

To death pursued. That's an ugly thing, son. That's the state of my heart and your heart.

You were getting sleepy, as I snuggled you and explained what the song was about.

We have bad hearts, I do and you do. We don't love God and do what He says, even though He made us and gave us everything. Instead, we want to go our own way.

But God didn't leave us, He sent Jesus to come. Jesus didn't rebel against God. He did everything that God wanted Him to do. He lived perfectly.

And then He died. But not because He did bad things. No, He died to pay for the bad things that other people did. He died to pay the price for sins that I have done.

And the amazing thing is that God will look at His perfect life and count it for me. And He will look at my sin and count Jesus' death as payment, if I trust Him.

And just to prove that the exchange was good, God raised Jesus to life again, and now He lives with God and prays for us, and one day He will take us to live with Him.

That's the only thing that matters, baby boy.

Your little fingers were curled around mine, along with a long red hair twined around one. (It is the bane of your life always to have long red hairs stuck on you...) Sticky little fingers, holding on tight.

I wish I could seal you as His already. But that is a gift that only God gives. And so I will just keep rocking and singing to you, hoping for those truths to sink down and grip your heart. I will keep talking to you and kissing your soft cheeks, and someday you will know what those words mean.

And oh Jesus, how I will keep praying that You will be the love of my little boy's heart. Take Him, Jesus, and hold Him forever.

Thunder Cheeks

A demonstration of what Ben affectionately refers to as "thunder cheeks."

Amazing

The little man went a 7-hour stretch last night. Wow. That is a real good feeling.


He is ready to fist-bump any of you in congratulations for a job well-done...

We also had to remove the infant insert from his carseat and move up the straps one set. Look at the big man!

(In fact, we should have done this some time ago, but I didn't realize it until Ben noticed how scrunched he was getting in his seat! Bad mommy! He is really not so unhappy about getting buckled in now that it fits him properly.)

And we must confess to think that a cute little fellow he is...

A Few Photos

We went for a walk on Monday... it was so summery out!

Victor is very enthusiastic about his hat.

Those big blue eyes...

We have been working on Tummy Time. Not always a favorite, but getting better.

We love you, big boy!

Postscript

So, after I wrote my last post and lay down at 4:15am, the thought drifted through my mind that Victor could have just been full. (Wish it had drifted through my mind about an hour earlier.)

That was a real quick answer to prayer.

[Considering that I was unable to correctly snap up his sleeper and also wrote down the wrong times in my feeding log, off by an hour, I may not have been in the most cogent state of mind. For that matter, any posts I write at 4am should be taken with a grain of salt!]

He’s eaten really well for the last two feedings. I was overreacting. Like my mother has always told me, things usually look brighter in the morning.

God is good to remind me how silly I can be and how often I need to get my eyes off my bellybutton and onto Him.

Baffled

Well, I could use your prayers.

I don't know why, but about half the time Victor will eat well, and half the time, well...

I just finished a feeding (so to speak). We started at 2:45am, and he ate for 17 min on the first side, with no issues. I checked his diaper, bundled him, and tried the other side, and he ate for about 20 seconds. Then he would not latch for about 20 min. I tried burping him (he spit up twice, little bits, and then once, chunky, into my hair). He would mouth around, but not latch. I repositioned, rebundled, sat him up to let everything settle... still no go. He wasn't sleepy and grunted a little. His diaper was a little teeny bit poopy, so I don't think it's constipation. (He's normally really soft anyway.)

At about 3:40am, he ate for about a minute.

I finally put him to bed and went to pump. He fussed, so I tried him again, but still no real eating. After pumping, I was unable to pull apart the pieces of the bottle and pump to clean them, so maybe it's just one of those nights?

But he has done this periodically, maybe about half the time. But normally he settles down, latches, and will eat after a little while.

Oh Lord, help me know how to help my baby...

Mr. Chubby Cheeks Demonstrates Happy Time

Call to Love

An excellent quote from Spurgeon's Morning entry for today, on Matthew 5:43, "You shall love your neighbor.":

Would you be a featherbed warrior instead of bearing the rough fight of love? He who dares the most shall win the most; and if the path of love is rough, tread it boldly, still loving your neighbors through thick and thin... If they are hard to please, do not seek to please them, but to please your Master.

A featherbed warrior... may it never be!

Milestones

Dear Victor,

What a big day it was!

You moved into size 2 diapers, you big boy.

And, you slept from your 9:55pm feeding last night until 3:55am this morning! 6 hours! Well done, my child!

With love,
Momma

The Reflux Saga Continues... Or Is It?

I'm taking a deep breath this morning, after a fairly wild weekend. (The first Sunday of worship at Lakeville South High School was wonderful... and absorbed most of the weekend, throwing Victor's schedule into crazy chaos. But the stalwart fellow bore up well.)

When last I wrote, I had started Zantac, twice a day. To be honest, the immediate results were disappointing. Victor was still fretful at feedings, and he was eating shorter and shorter amounts of time, fussing and shaking his head back and forth, crying when he finished, spitting up and showing discomfort. I called the lactation consultant, got lots of advice from lots of different friends, acquaintances, (and even some kind mommas I hardly know!), scrutinized my baby, and prayed, prayed, prayed.

All that has given me lots to think about.

Try a chiropractor?
Use gripe water?
Switch to a protein blocker medicine?
Give him acidophiles?

After a little more research, starting Friday afternoon I decided to avoid dairy, in case Victor was reacting to cow's milk proteins (which is somewhat common in infants).

The "praise report" of early Sunday morning seems to me perhaps related to the change in diet--at least that's my thought. Honestly, Victor has been eating significantly better. He actually ate for 30 min before I put him down for a nap this morning! He's not spitting up in the volume he did before either.

I don't think he's completely better--I've heard him coughing a couple times, and this morning twice he seemed to be gagging, although he didn't even spit up. He also has fussed at the end of a couple feedings. But it can take 10 days to 3 weeks for all the milk proteins to get out of your system.

So... I just got through to the ped nurse, who said I can quit the Zantac and see if he still seems to be doing well, and if the good streak continues... I just have a few months of dairy-free life ahead. (If you've seen the Brian Regan sketch on life without dairy, you'll understand...)

But totally worth it.

Bless the LORD, O my soul, and all that is within me, bless His holy name. Bless the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all His benefits, who forgives all your iniquity, who heals all your diseases...Psalm 103

Interesting Times

Well, the latest in a very eventful weekend was the discovery of a sour, rank smell coming from Victor's room tonight. It wasn't there at 7:30pm when I fed him... and it was very strong (and isolated to his room) when I checked on him at 9pm.

No wet carpet. Nothing lurking in the shadows. Not coming from the vent. Not in any other rooms. Not a gas smell.

We carried the crib out of the room (depositing Victor first on our bed), only to discover it is barely able to fit into the hallway... and not around the corner to the living room. We hefted it up to get it into our bedroom (this is a VERY sturdy crib), where we now have 4 inches to squeeze past one side of the bed to the doorway.

A more thorough investigation of the room led us to discover that the window, or precisely, the left side of the window, was the location of suspicion. Ben's handy-dandy flashlight was pulled out.

The culprit: an animal marked the window (with a STRONG scent) sometime in the last hour and a half.

And if the fan, open window, and bleach take care of the aroma, we will heft the crib back inside and call it a night.

Will keep you posted if there's more to the adventure...

Middle-of-the-Night Praise

Victor has eaten SO WELL the last two feedings! (8:40pm and... slept until 3am, thanks to Daylight Savings! But even without counting the extra hour, that's almost 5 1/2 hours!)

He was noticeably relaxed in my arms, like a sack of potatoes, and ate for 10 min on one side, 25 min on the other side... and then 10 min on one side, 19 min on the other side! (That's the Victor I have come to know and love. :) )

SO THANKFUL! More tomorrow, or rather, this afternoon, Lord willing.

Zantac, Tummy Time, and Laws of Nature

A bit of a ramble...

Since Victor's 2-month check-up on Tuesday, I have been thinking and thinking about what the doctor said about his probably having acid reflux. The doc gave us a prescription for Zantac, but said we didn't need to fill it if we could manage the reflux with more "natural" methods.

We've done the "elevate mattress" route before, and it generally resulted in the little man teetering at the top of the bed until, sometime in the middle of the night, he would wrestle himself sideways, and roll downhill, thumping his noggin on the wooden rails of the crib.

I tried sitting him more upright after feeding, but that didn't seem to make a remarkable difference either.

Since the doc told me that he thought Victor was occasionally coughing (and semi-gagging) on his spit-up because of the reflux, the last straw was when I laid Victor down on Tuesday afternoon (already crying because of his shots), and his little screams were almost strangled by coughing and choking. (Not nice for Momma, who was already a bit on the ragged edge.)

So, first thing Wednesday morning, I headed off to pick up some Zantac from Walgreens. (The nice folks said that every baby known to man spits it out if left in the original mint flavor, so we sprung for an extra $2.99 to make it grape flavored.)

I don't like giving my 2-month old baby medicine. So I've been praying and praying that God would help us to see if this is the right thing.

After giving V 4 doses, I still felt like the jury was out. He was still pretty fretful while eating, still spit up like a monster, and still fussed some (even right after I gave him the meds).

But there have been a couple encouraging notes.

First, he was happy for basically the whole Crabby Hour (9-10am) this morning, and didn't even spit up during Tummy Time. (Incidentally, he has started fanatically sucking on his fist during Tummy Time. He loves it! I would find it fairly uncomfortable to jam my whole entire hand in my mouth, but it makes the little fellow so cheerful.)



And second, we went through bath time and the first side of feeding without spitting up. And as the Laws of Nature would dictate, it was during the first side of feeding (immediately following bathtime) that Victor had a total blowout. So back to the changing table we went, to wrestle off the sleeper, onesie, and diaper and replace them with a full fresh complement.

And the little guy didn't spit up through that whole process either!

He is currently taking his mid-day snooze and (last I checked) has now made it a record period of time without a spit-up geyser!

Possibly I did stand outside his door for a long time after I put him down, squinting through the crack in the door, to see if he would fall asleep without losing his breakfast...

So far, so good!

So, if you think of it, you could ask the Lord that this would be the real deal and his little tummy would be adjusting to the Zantac and finding a harmonious new equilibrium. That would be a sweet answer to prayer!

Tears

Being a momma does crazy things to your heart.

I'm not the emotional type, generally speaking. Pragmatic. Task-oriented. Logical.

But these days, it doesn't take too much to set me off.

Reading Victor a little story, God Gave Us You, choking back the tears as Mama Bear talks to her Little Cub...

"We went to the doctor and heard your heartbeat," she said, "I cried happy tears then."

"Why?" Little Cub asked. ("Why?" was Little Cub's favorite questions.)

"Because God had given us you," Mama said.

"Every night, I prayed for you, my special child. I prayed that your bones would be straight and your heart would be strong. But most of all, I prayed that someday you would love God." ...

Singing "Jesus, Lover of My Soul" during our sing and rock time (which ironically is often when Victor is the saddest)...

Other refuge have I none,
Hangs my helpless soul on Thee;
Leave, ah, leave me not alone,
Still support and comfort me.

All my trust on Thee is stayed,
All my help from Thee I bring,
Cover my defenseless head
With the shadow of Thy wing.

How I want our little peanut to hide his heart in Jesus and find a rock under his feet when the waves hit.




When Victor was screaming in pain yesterday, probably from a combination of acid reflux and his 2-month shots, I could only hug him close and rock him back and forth and cry for his hurt.

My tears don't solve anything. I can't protect him from pain, and I can't solve any of his problems (as little and innocuous as they are now, compared to what is sure to meet him down the road).




So at night when I kiss him and shut the bedroom door behind him, how I pray that the Great Shepherd will hold him close, keep him from harm, and grip him forever in grace.

What 2 Months Has Brought

Dear Victor,

You are 2 months today. It is amazing to think that it has been 2 months already… and hard to believe that it has only been 2 months since you arrived, all at the same time.

Today was your 2-mo doctor appointment. You are so big, 12 lb 3 oz--almost double your birth weight! You pack it onto a shortish frame though, just 22 ½ in long.

The doctor really liked your name… Victor Victorious, he called you. You went through your shots like a champ, hollering for about 20 seconds, and then giving me smiles while I got you dressed again.

But after your first trip to MOMS (which you ate and slept and charmed your way through), you started hurting pretty bad at home, and it was a horrible time until we pulled out the infant Tylenol (and went through the extended ordeal of waiting for a nurse at the peds office… waited on hold for 11 min, accidentally pushed a button to leave a message, so had to call back and start over again, phone battery dying, on hold again for another 10-ish minutes…).

You’re still a bit fitful, but you are currently watching your mobile in your crib, though the kicks and waves are more subdued than normal.

This month has revealed:

• You seem to have Momma’s hair color, nearly exactly (especially in the back where it’s thickest).

• You are a spitter… the doc thinks you have some acid reflux (we’re trying to decide if you need medicine for that). It is your particular specialty, while burping after a meal, to throw your head to the side so that you spit straight down Momma’s front. Thank you, son.

• The vast majority of people see Daddy in you most. But 3 people in the last week have told me that you perhaps have my eyes.

• You’re getting to be a pretty good sleeper. Generally you eat around 9:30 or 10pm and then at 2am and 6am, and you most always put yourself back to sleep between times.

• You’re in size 1 diapers, and almost ready for 2s, I think. Still not too many blowouts (and Oxy Clean has done its wonder work on those…) I have a pile of sleepers in the corner that you have already out-grown (and that makes me a little sentimental).

• You hang out in the Baby Bjorn for church and small group (so most of the church only knows you by your legs and the top of your head), and you like that pretty well, even when it’s naptime or bedtime.

• Your schedule has fallen into place really well. You have Crabby Hour from 9-10am and 4:30-5:30pm… but even those aren’t always too crabby anymore. Happy Hour is first thing in the morning and after your mid-day nap and feeding!

• You are a real cutie when you give us your smile. Sometimes when we peek in to check on you in your crib, you’ll catch a glimpse and flash a big grin… and we’re sunk. (I can let you cry it out when needed, but I cannot walk away from your smile…) On the changing table after your afternoon snack is probably your most animated time, and we’ll get giggles and coos and big, open-mouthed smiles from you then. We love it!

It’s been a wonderful, challenging, perplexing, and sweet 2 months, baby boy. We love you!

2 Months Old

2 months old!

1 month old

2 weeks old

Recent Snapshots