Tears

Being a momma does crazy things to your heart.

I'm not the emotional type, generally speaking. Pragmatic. Task-oriented. Logical.

But these days, it doesn't take too much to set me off.

Reading Victor a little story, God Gave Us You, choking back the tears as Mama Bear talks to her Little Cub...

"We went to the doctor and heard your heartbeat," she said, "I cried happy tears then."

"Why?" Little Cub asked. ("Why?" was Little Cub's favorite questions.)

"Because God had given us you," Mama said.

"Every night, I prayed for you, my special child. I prayed that your bones would be straight and your heart would be strong. But most of all, I prayed that someday you would love God." ...

Singing "Jesus, Lover of My Soul" during our sing and rock time (which ironically is often when Victor is the saddest)...

Other refuge have I none,
Hangs my helpless soul on Thee;
Leave, ah, leave me not alone,
Still support and comfort me.

All my trust on Thee is stayed,
All my help from Thee I bring,
Cover my defenseless head
With the shadow of Thy wing.

How I want our little peanut to hide his heart in Jesus and find a rock under his feet when the waves hit.




When Victor was screaming in pain yesterday, probably from a combination of acid reflux and his 2-month shots, I could only hug him close and rock him back and forth and cry for his hurt.

My tears don't solve anything. I can't protect him from pain, and I can't solve any of his problems (as little and innocuous as they are now, compared to what is sure to meet him down the road).




So at night when I kiss him and shut the bedroom door behind him, how I pray that the Great Shepherd will hold him close, keep him from harm, and grip him forever in grace.