Today's Fight

A quiet gift and quiet loss, but in the aftermath, so many currents pull in different directions. These are some of my wrestlings, and if you think of it, ways you can pray for me.


Loss introduced to my family. 

We loved and let go. The facade of security is pulled away, and I feel vulnerable to more loss. A "real-er" realization that I cannot hold them so close to my heart that nothing can reach them.

But:

...no one will snatch them out of My hand. My Father, who has given them to Me, is greater than all, and no one is able to snatch them out of the Father's hand. I and the Father are one. (John 10:28-29)

Wrestling to be content.

The free and full joy of a gift received ... how easily it is twisted into bitterness or entitlement when the gift is removed. Yet I know that if I am not content now, nothing circumstantial can happen that will make me content. A quiet and thankful heart is not the product of perfect circumstances.

Not that I speak from want, for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am. (Philippians 4:11)

Whatever circumstances. That is very sweeping. May it be.


 Hoping in many lesser things.

I can construe an idea of reality that would bring a version of sweetness after this sorrow. It is a real wrestling not to dwell on "what could be" as an answer for the pain of what is. There is hope as an anchor of the soul, but it isn't bound in a string of events working out just as I desire.

 Fix your hope completely on the grace to be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ. (1 Peter 1:13)

Absorption in myself.

This is a significant milestone in our life. And the care of others is a true gift. But how easy it is to be wrapped up in my own experience, cast expectations on others to prioritize my pain, pull inward, caring only for my own needs, ignore the burdens and needs of others.

A true liberation and breath of hope came with a reminder that I may be significantly used by God now, even feeling kinda broken and weak, if I will put myself at His disposal.

He died for all, so that they who live might no longer live for themselves, but for Him who died and rose again on their behalf. (2 Corinthians 5:15)

 This is the battleground of my mind and heart. Glad for God, who is greater than my heart.