Sleepless Nights

Generally speaking, Victor has proven to be a pretty mellow baby so far. He's generally gone for about 3 hour stretches between feedings at night, and most times drops off to sleep after eating without much trouble.

Last night, however, was a different story. I don't know if it was something I ate or just a delicate infant digestive system, but Victor spit up everything he ate and would not settle all night.

I think I slept from about 2:30-3:30 and from 4:20-4:50. But I marked the rest of the night lying in bed, hearing Victor fuss, getting up to re-swaddle him and shift him to a clean spot in the crib, trying to feed him (with liberal milk baths throughout), change his diaper, try his pacifier, and just look helplessly down at him in his crib.

Having a baby breaks the illusion of having control over my life. I cannot fix his tummy troubles. I cannot make him eat or sleep. I still have a pervasive sense of "am I doing this right?" I am still often groping to decipher his actions and reactions.

I read Psalm 9 this morning and remembered learning vs. 10 as a Fighter Verse:

And those who know Your name will put their hope in You, for You, O LORD, have not forsaken those who seek You.

If we know who God is, we'll trust Him. He knit us all together. He gave us this child. He certainly is aware of the gastrointestinal challenges and sleep-deprivation. And He won't leave us to our own resources--He doesn't forsake those who seek Him.

It's good to have an anchor like that, heading into the days--and nights--of unknown ahead.