When You Still Don't Know

Last night's relief at the end of Victor's throwing up was short-lived.

This morning he climbed out of his bunkbed at 6:10am (2 min later than normal), and I heard him crying, standing on the trundle bed where I slept last night. By the time I got to him, I was barely in time to catch vomit in my left hand (totally ineffective in trying to prevent it from getting on the bed, pillow, and floor).

He threw up every 30 min after that, though he had no food or drink in him.

So, by 8:15am, my dad and I loaded him up in the van and headed to Children's Hospital. In delightful contrast to our last ER experience with Victor, there was no one in the waiting room.

The doc came in and saw us fairly quickly, and she ordered a strep test, because his throat was pretty raw. (Me, groaning inside for Ben at camp with whatever this is...)

It was a pretty smooth turnaround, once they gave Victor some Zophran he was 15 min later chomping down a red popsicle, happy as a clam. We watched 3 Mighty Machines videos, and the doctor came back.

The strep test was negative (whew), and she said it seems likely he has something of a virus, similar to hand, foot, and mouth disease.

"I think Zophran will get you through this," she said.
What does that mean? I wondered to myself.

So, with prescriptions for our beloved Zophran and a mouth rinse, home we went.

Victor had a bowl of applesauce, and my mom was getting some lunch ready when he spoke the dreaded words, "Mom, I'm going to have spits!"

So I sat by him, holding the bucket, crying silently to God. What do we do? Can't have more Zophran for 6 hours. Already did ER. Where do we go from here?

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My Bible time this morning was on Philippians 4:7. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

I cross-referenced Isaiah 26:3, The steadfast of mind You will keep in perfect peace, because he trusts in You.

And John 14:27, Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you. Not as the world gives, do I give to you. Do not let your hearts be troubled; do not be afraid.

I was thinking, this remedy of God for our anxieties is peace. Not a perfect, instant solution to our problems. Not an umbrella against the rain. No "free pass to comfort" card. But peace that guards. Peace that keeps. Peace in the middle of the mess, when you still don't know how it's going to work out.

Peace that works like faith, for when we can't yet see.

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So I sat there for a couple minutes, holding the bucket and praying, waiting for whatever was coming next.

And, it was a false alarm.
A few minutes later, his tummy was calm again.

A deep sigh of relief. And a realization (again) that I can't wait for "everything to be okay" to exhale, to find rest in God, to be okay.

Because I still don't know what today (or tomorrow) will hold. But there is a kind of quiet waiting that is okay with that. And I think I'm in training to learn that quiet peace.